(1984) Directed by Richard Fleischer; Written by Stanley
Mann; Story by Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway; Based on the character created by
Robert E. Howard; Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Grace Jones, Olivia d'Abo,
Wilt Chamberlain, Mako, Tracey Walter and Sarah Douglas;
Available on: Blu-ray, DVD and Netflix Streaming
Rating: ***½
“It’s like being a little kid again, in many ways, and doing
the things that maybe you were not allowed to do as a kid, you know, stabbing
people with a sword and killing them with an axe, and stuff like that. And in
the same time, acting-wise, it is kind of challenging… so there’s these two
opposites.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger (from 1984 interview, unknown TV program)
I’m sure some of us can relate to having an older sibling
that gets all the attention and glory, while we’re relegated to linger under
his or her shadow. There are different ways we can choose to handle this:
wallow in resentment and a crushing sense of inferiority, or opt for the higher
road. Conan the Destroyer is that
kind of younger sibling. After Conan the
Barbarian debuted, it set the standard for big- and small-budgeted sword
and sorcery productions. Expectations were high (perhaps unreasonably so) for
the sequel. When the titular character, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, returned
in a PG-rated, (mostly) family-friendly adventure, reception was lukewarm. Was
this a kinder, gentler barbarian for a new era? Not quite, thanks to a high
body count (including a decapitation and geysers of blood), but the general
perception was that this was little more than a toned-down imitation of a Conan
movie. Is the film’s reputation as the underachieving younger sibling deserved?
Read on…
The story more or less picks up where the first movie left
off, with Conan wandering the wastelands, searching for riches. He’s no closer
to acquiring his own kingdom, as hinted by the first film’s conclusion. Instead,
he’s taken companionship with Malak, a thief (Tracey Walter). Their backstory
is never elaborated upon (How he met Conan, or why Conan would allow him to tag
along remains a mystery). After they have a run-in with Queen Taramis (Sarah
Douglas)* and her soldiers, Conan is presented with a proposition. Taramis promises
him he will be reunited with his true love, Valeria (who met her untimely
demise in the first film),** if he’ll help her obtain the coveted Horn of
Dagoth. He’s accompanied on his quest by
Malak, the wizard Akiro (Mako, resuming his role from the original film), the
young Princess Jehnna (Olivia D’Abo), and her towering guard Bombaata (played
by basketball star Wilt Chamberlain).
* Fun Fact #1: As originally filmed, Douglas’ character was
more overtly sexual in her efforts to persuade Conan. In her description of the deleted footage: “It was the movie’s
hottest scene…I kept my crown on and he kept his sword on, and I made all these
jokes about hilts. Then, near the film’s end, I seduce the stone statue,
Dagoth. I stroked it into life. Very hot little scene, that was.” (from “Sarah
Douglas – No Rest for the Wicked,” by Brian Lowry, Starlog, October 1986)
** If your BS detector is going off around now, then
congratulations.
Schwarzenegger is appropriately charismatic and imposing in
his sophomore outing as Conan. Without question, however, the film’s highlight
is model/singer/maverick Grace Jones, in an early film role, as the laconic
warrior Zula. On several occasions, she steals the show from Schwarzenegger,
with little more than a well-timed facial expression. Zula’s unbridled, feral*
energy screams “don’t screw with me.” Anyone who dares to tangle with her are
sorry they did. Another relatively new face is former pro-basketball player
Wilt Chamberlain. At 7’1”, he’s an impressive figure as Bombaata, towering over
Schwarzenegger.** Conan the Destroyer
also marked the first feature film role for D’Abo, who was only 14 at the time.
The script doesn’t give her much to do, except act the damsel in distress, and
serve as a pawn for Queen Taramis’ evil schemes. There’s a hint of bigger and
better things, in a scene where Zula and Conan teach her to fight, but we never
see a payoff.
* Fun Fact #2: In Jones’ words, “I really wanted to be an
animal in this. I wanted a lot of animalism to come out of it…” (from 1984 Interview magazine article, “New Again:
Grace Jones,” by Andy Warhol and André Leon Talley)
** Fun Fact #3: If you thought he looked small next to
Chamberlain, Schwarzenegger is further dwarfed by wrestler Andre the Giant, who
appears, in an uncredited performance, as the powerful beast Dagoth.
Conan the Destroyer
features some interesting set pieces, including an underground crypt, and a
circular, mirror-filled room, where Conan matches wits with a crafty sorcerer (although
how this fits into the rest of the plot isn’t entirely clear). Once again, Basil
Poledouris provides the rousing score, which borrows heavily from his compositions
in Conan the Barbarian. One of the
most memorable segments is a virtual copy of the music that accompanied the
infamous orgy scene in the first film. This time, the music provides a backdrop
for a deadly ritual, minus the orgy.
The word “underrated” gets thrown around quite liberally
these days, to describe anything that was poorly received, but in this case it
seems warranted. Conan the Destroyer
deserves re-evaluation, not for what it lacks, but what it has. Veteran
director Richard Fleischer, who made superior genre contributions including 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954), Fantastic Voyage (1966), and Soylent Green (1973) knows his way
around films with extraordinary settings. While Conan the Destroyer can’t quite measure up to these titles or its
esteemed predecessor, it’s well worth a look. Enjoyed on its own merits (especially
Jones’ off-the-rails performance), its lighthearted tone and emphasis on
adventure, it’s a fun way to spend a rainy Saturday afternoon.
