Spirit of ’76 Month Quick Picks and Pans

 

Mad Dog Morgan (1976) Dennis Hopper plays Daniel “Mad Dog” Morgan, an Irish immigrant turned outlaw in 1860s Australia. He roams the countryside with his trusty indigenous companion Billy (played by the always reliable David Gulpilil), robbing from the settlers. Despite a reportedly troubled production (due to a problematic Hopper), co-writer/director Philippe Mora’s outback western is a fascinating but sympathetic portrait of one of Australia’s most notorious criminals. In stark contrast to his pursuers and local lawmakers, Morgan possesses a code of honor and sense of fair play, transforming him into a cult hero of sorts. 

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Kanopy

Who Can Kill a Child? (1976) Narciso Ibáñez Serrador’s Spanish horror-suspense film is a potent mixture of Lord of the Flies with Children of the Damned. English tourists Tom and Evelyn (Lewis Fiander and Prunella Ransome) decide to leave the hustle and bustle of a crowded Spanish coastal town, for the promise of peace and quiet on a nearby island. They soon discover the conspicuous absence of adults in the island village, which seems to be populated by roaming packs of sadistic children. We never learn what causes their vicious behavior (Is it a social or biological disease?), but the implication is that some sort of judgment day is at hand for the grown-ups. It’s a truly relentless, unnerving experience that will stay with you long after you’ve watched it.

One warning: The film’s only sour note (and it’s a big one) is the opening credit sequence, presenting a tasteless litany of atrocities against children (including concentration camps and famine). My recommendation: fast-forward through it. 

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray and DVD

Black Magic 2 (1976) This Shaw Brothers sequel to the 1975 original promises more sex, gore and sorcery than you can shake a severed limb at. An 80-year-old practitioner of the dark arts keeps his youthful appearance by drinking the breast milk of young women under his spell. He keeps an army of zombies in his basement, who obey his every whim. When three doctors investigate the veracity of claims about him, they try to stop his reign of terror. Can they stop him, or will they join the ranks of his victims? Watch and find out. 

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray and DVD

Creature from Black Lake (1976) This low-budget independent production, filmed in Louisiana, is surprisingly engaging, thanks to colorful characters and a terrifying beast.  Pahoo and Rives (Dennis Fimple and John David Carson), two grad students from Chicago, travel to bayou country in the hopes of tracking down a legendary missing link. Although the scenes with the redneck sheriff (Bill Thurman) won’t surprise anyone, it’s a notch above many of its contemporaries (I’m looking at you, Legend of Boggy Creek) thanks to better acting (featuring appearances by stalwart character actors Jack Elam and Dub Taylor) and (for once) a decent view of the enraged hominid.   

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray, DVD, Tubi and Amazon Prime

The Human Tornado (1976) Rudy Ray Moore returns as everyone’s favorite kung fu-fighting pimp Dolemite, in his sequel to the character’s eponymous 1975 debut. Dolemite and his pals flee a trigger-happy hillbilly sheriff with an axe to grind for the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles. He runs into more trouble when he tries to rescue his pal Queen Bee (Lady Reed) from the clutches of a local kingpin. It’s cheap, with iffy acting, fake kung fu, and a scene that stops the plot cold, solely for an opportunity to showcase his routine in front of an audience. Is it good? No, but that’s not the point. The Human Tornado was made to entertain, and entertain it does, with Moore’s signature one-liners and over-the-top mayhem. 

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray, DVD, Amazon Prime, Kanopy, and Tubi

 

Death Machines (1976) Madame Lee (Mari Honjo) manages a trio of unstoppable assassins (aka: the “Death Machines”), while the bumbling cops attempt to thwart a series of contract killings. Meanwhile, a survivor of a karate studio massacre vows revenge against the people who killed his master and left him for dead. Filled with laughable dialogue, questionable acting, and haphazard directing, Death Machines is a textbook example of a film that’s so bad it’s good. Enjoy. 

Rating: **½. Available on Blu-ray and DVD

 

The Town that Dreaded Sundown (1976) This odd pseudo-documentary style thriller (and I use the term “thriller” loosely) chronicles a 1946 murder spree, by a killer with no apparent motive. The tone is wildly inconsistent, ranging from a serious police procedural to slapstick hijinks. Probably the most annoying aspect of the movie is its reliance on unnecessary narration, which either describes what already happened on screen, or provides exposition that could have been dialogue. You’ve been warned. 

Rating: **½. Available on Blu-ray and DVD

Futureworld (1976) This forgettable sequel to Michael Crichton’s 1973 film manages to underwhelm at every turn, lacking the novelty or suspense of its predecessor. The Delos Corporation picks up the pieces from the disaster depicted in the first film, rebuilding their resort and replacing their problematic androids with new models. In an effort to boost public relations, they invite TV reporter Tracy Ballard (Blythe Danner) and newspaper reporter Chuck Browning (Peter Fonda) to an all-access experience at the luxury theme park. All isn’t as it seems at the new, “improved” resort, as the snooping reporters discover a sinister conspiracy at work (a theme that would be beaten to death in the exasperating HBO TV series). The cut-rate Samuel Z. Arkoff production fails to impress, riding the fumes of the original (Yul Brynner revises his role as the Gunslinger, in an ill-advised dream sequence cameo). The seemingly endless scenes of Chuck and Tracy running around in the underground bowels of the resort are an apt metaphor for the film, running in circles with nowhere to go. Yawn. 

Rating: **. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Tubi  

 

Short Take: Master of the Flying Guillotine

(1976) Written and directed by Jimmy Wang Yu; Starring: Jimmy Wang Yu, Kam Kong, Sham Chin Bo, Lung Fei, Doris Lung Chun Erh, Chui Chung Hei and Wong Wing Sang; Available on DVD 

Rating: ***½ 

“In China, there are many martial arts fighting books, and also there was a book about martial arts tournaments. Also, many books about its own style of school. I thought it would be fun if I brought all these different elements into one film.” – Jimmy Wang Yu (from 2004 interview)

Back in my junior high school days, there were a handful of movies that were discussed in hushed tones, gaining a reputation of mythical proportions. In most cases, the hyperbolic descriptions of my schoolmates had little correlation with the actual films. One exception, Master of the Flying Guillotine (aka: The One-Armed Boxer vs. the Flying Guillotine), enjoyed a reputation that was mostly deserved. It was far from the first “tournament” type film, but it took the competition to outrageously gruesome levels. Writer/director/star Jimmy Wang Yu relied on Japanese films (including the Zatoichi movies and Kurosawa’s samurai films) as inspiration, as well as his previous Hong Kong-based movies.* The independent Taiwanese production didn’t have the gloss of a Shaw Brothers film (Jimmy Wang Yu’s former employers), but what it lacked in flashy production design, it compensated with sheer audacity.

Set during the Qing Dynasty (a frequently used historic backdrop for the Chinese equivalent of the western), the film opens with the chief villain, Fung Sheng Wu Chi (Kam Kong),* a blind assassin sanctioned by the emperor. His weapon of choice is the titular flying guillotine, a diabolical bladed beanie on a chain, which he wields with deadly precision. When he learns that his disciples have been summarily dispatched by Liu Ti Lung, the One-Armed Boxer (Jimmy Wang Yu),** it becomes his sworn duty to avenge them. He embarks on a quest to destroy the One-Armed Boxer. Unconcerned with some collateral damage along the way, he dispatches anyone who seems to match the description of his adversary. Meanwhile, the One-Armed Boxer bides his time as the master of a kung fu school, ignoring an invitation to compete in a grand international tournament. But avoiding conflict can only last so long, as not only the assassin, but the victors of the tournament endeavor to take him down. 

* Fun Fact #1: His distinctive theme, as well as the opening title music, is lifted from music by the German rock band Neu! 

** Fun Fact #2: Wang Yu cited his title character from The One-Armed Swordsman (1967) as the primary influence for his One-Armed Boxer character, who appeared in four films.

In addition to the blind assassin (who apparently never heard the phrase, “take a little off the top”), we’re introduced to a variety pack of antagonists, all vying for supremacy in the tournament. Of all the contenders, the Yoga Master (Wong Wing Sang), with super-stretchy arms that would make the Fantastic 4’s Reed Richards jealous, seems the most formidable (If you need to get something from a high shelf, he’s your man). There’s also a cocky Thai Boxer (Sham Chin Bo), who’s accompanied by his own woodwind music. The deceptively named Japanese fighter, Win-Without-a-Knife (Fei Lung), who fights with a staff that doesn’t, repeat, doesn’t conceal a sharp stabbing implement (wink, wink).  

Compared to his flashy competition, the One-Armed Boxer* seems almost humdrum (as long as you ignore his tendency to balance on the edge of baskets and walk on walls). Much like the blind assassin, it’s not about what he lacks, but the almost superhuman abilities he possesses that make him as deadly as they come. He refuses to be drawn into the tournament, instead choosing to observe from the sidelines. Naturally, this affords him the opportunity to assess his future opponents’ relative strengths and weaknesses. Just because the One-Armed Boxer is our nominal good guy doesn’t mean he plays fair. He systematically turns his opponents against themselves, using their vulnerabilities to set traps.   

* Fun Fact #3: Depending on the angle of the shot, Wang Yu kept his right arm bound, either in front or behind. This created other problems for the martial arts star, including problems with balance, and his hidden arm turning numb after each hour of filming.

Don’t go into this expecting nuanced, multi-faceted characters (each could probably be described with a few words), it’s all about the kung fu action, as nature and Jimmy Wang Yu intended. The deadly tournament with colorful opponents would be copied again and again over the years, and probably influenced more than a few video games (if not a direct influence on Mortal Kombat, it had to be lurking in the collective unconscious of the game designers). Surprisingly, a Blu-ray is unavailable, and the DVD looks only serviceable. In all fairness, the film opens with a disclaimer that the DVD was mastered from the best surviving elements. Considering the film’s cult status, who knows if a pristine print might be lingering in a vault, somewhere, just waiting to be unleashed? 

 

Favorites from 1978

Several months ago, I was challenged by Gill from Realweegiemidget Reviews to discuss my top five favorite movies from 1978. As many film fans know, it was such an exceptional year for movies. The plethora of choices made it difficult to narrow down my picks – so difficult, in fact, that I decided to cheat a little and list my top eight, plus a few honorable mentions. So, without further preamble, here they are, in no particular order… 

Superman: The Movie – It’s hard to top Christopher Reeve’s bravura portrayal as the Man of Steel, balancing his performance with equal measures of gravitas and “gee whiz” optimism. John Williams’ rousing score matches the scope of the lofty visuals. It’s a minor miracle that this profoundly cynical post-Watergate/Vietnam era birthed such an earnest picture, told with an abundance of heart. Superman: The Movie was just the salve that generation needed, and ours could certainly benefit from. In an era when superhero movies have become increasingly darker and grittier, current filmmakers would be wise to learn from Richard Donner’s landmark movie. No offense intended towards gritty, post-modern interpretations of beloved superheroes, but there’s room for something that purposely goes in the opposite direction.  

Invasion of the Body Snatchers – 1978 was a banner year for scary movies, and one of the most terrifying of this or any year was Philip Kaufman’s paranoid remake of the exceptional 1956 film (based on Jack Finney’s novel). Donald Sutherland shines as San Francisco public health inspector Matthew Bennell, who along with his colleague Elizabeth Driscoll (Brooke Adams), suspect that not all is copacetic with the city’s residents. Kaufman’s chilling exploration of urban angst and isolation features excellent supporting performances by Leonard Nimoy as pop psychologist Dr. David Kibner, and Angela Cartwright and Jeff Goldblum as Nancy and Jack Bellicec. Who can you trust when the world’s gone to the pod people?

Patrick – This tasty slice of Ozsploitation from director (and unabashed Hitchcock disciple) Richard Franklin and writer Everett De Roche, keeps you on edge until the final scene. Susan Penhaligon plays Kathy Jacquard, a nurse assigned to monitor Patrick (Robert Thompson), a comatose patient. As Kathy soon discovers, her patient proves that still waters run deep. This little thriller (that deserves to be better known) ratchets up the tension, despite the fact the title character remains motionless for the bulk of the film. What’s Patrick’s secret? I’ll never tell. 

The 36^th Chamber of Shaolin – Gordon Liu stars in the role of a lifetime, as San Te. After his father is killed by a ruthless general’s henchmen, and he’s forced to flee his home, San Te is intent on revenge. He joins a Shaolin monastery, and must endure one grueling trial (“chamber”) after another on his quest to become a Kung Fu master. Each trial demands a different combination of physical and mental discipline, and with each chamber comes a new philosophical spin. The 36^th Chamber of Shaolin rises above the pack, thanks to Liu’s intensity, the ingenious  trials, and expert fight choreography by a cast of performers well-versed in the martial arts. They don’t get better than this, folks.

 

 

Dawn of the Dead – Ten years after his game-changing film, Night of the Living Dead, George A. Romero returned for more social commentary (this time, the spotlight is on mass consumerism). A helicopter pilot, his news anchor girlfriend, and two members of a SWAT team hole up against hordes of the undead in a huge, soulless Pennsylvania mall. Their little oasis is about to be disrupted, however, when an army of bikers (led by Tom Savini) stake their claim. Amidst the bleak story are moments of dark humor which help cushion the blow a bit. As with his previous Dead film, Romero proves to have a keen eye for observing the darker side of human nature, demonstrating there’s not as much that separates us from the zombies as we’d care to believe.

 

Halloween – No list of favorites from 1978 would be complete without John Carpenter’s suspenseful slasher that started it all. The years haven’t diluted Halloween’s impact, nor has it been surpassed by the myriad sequels, remakes and imitations. The simple story, with its seemingly unstoppable antagonist and reluctant hero Laurie Strode (played by then 19-year-old Jamie Lee Curtis), works due to Carpenter’s assured direction, Dean Cundey’s atmospheric cinematography, and a cast of believable, three-dimensional characters. Donald Pleasence shines as the determined Dr. Loomis, who in his own way, is as singularly minded as his escaped patient, Michael Myers.

 

Coma – One of the movies that scared the pants off me as an impressionable youngster still holds up remarkably well today. Writer/director Michael Crichton’s (yes, that Michael Crichton) taut adaptation of Robin Cook’s novel provides an abundance of chilling moments. This paranoid medical thriller with a science fiction twist seems all too plausible today, with its depiction of a healthcare system more interested in profits than the common good. Geneviève Bujold stars as Dr. Susan Wheeler, an upstart young doctor with a predilection toward sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. Despite being gaslit by hospital administrator Dr. Harris (Richard Widmark) and doubted by her ladder-climbing boyfriend, Dr. Mark Bellows (Michael Douglas), she persists in her personal investigation of a series of operating room incidents. When Wheeler discovers the horrible truth behind these events, she’s running for her life, as the woman who knew too much.

The Boys from Brazil – Franklin J. Schaffner’s science fiction thriller (adapted from an Ira Levin novel) takes its loopy premise which wouldn’t seem out of place as a Weekly World News article, and milks it for all it’s worth. Under the guidance of Joseph Mengele (Gregory Peck), an army of Hitler clones are created, with the hope that one will eventually usher in the Fourth Reich as the new führer. Nazi hunter Ezra Lieberman (Laurence Olivier) becomes wise to the doctor’s evil scheme. Is it nature or nurture that decides who becomes a monster? The Boys from Brazil will make you wonder. 

 

Honorable Mentions

The Shout (1978) I only discovered this one a couple of years ago, but it’s stuck with me.  Alan Bates stars as a mysterious visitor to a small English village, who wedges his way into a married couple’s lives (John Hurt and Susannah York), turning everything upside down. He brings with him a supposed Aboriginal technique (learned in the Australian Outback), with a shout that can kill. Polish director Jerzy Skolimowski (who made the equally intriguing Deep End), has created a purposely ambiguous and obtuse but endlessly engrossing film that’s unlike anything else I’ve ever seen.

National Lampoon’s Animal House – No list of 1978 favorites would be complete without director John Landis’ boisterous comedy about a bunch of misfits residing in Delta House, Faber College’s least prestigious fraternity.  John Belushi (in quite possibly his finest moment) stars as the lovable oaf Bluto. The terrific cast features Tom Hulce, Karen Allen, Donald Sutherland, Stephen Furst, and John Vernon as the man you love to hate, Dean Wormer. Although some elements have not aged well (such as a misguided scene in a blues club), many of the gags have held up. Countless filmmakers have tried to copy the formula of the slobs versus the snobs, and most have failed. “May I have 10,000 marbles, please?” will never not be funny.

 

Piranha – It’s the Jaws rip-off that even Spielberg couldn’t ignore. Sure, Piranha is rough around the edges, and it may not be Joe Dante’s best, but it wears its B-movie sensibilities on its tattered sleeve. Its secret weapon is that it never takes itself too seriously, with ample doses of humor and over-the-top thrills. Its fun, skewed sensibilities are exemplified by this exchange alone: “What about the goddamn piranhas?” “They’re eating the guests, sir.”

 

Because this challenge is all about passing the baton, I’m providing some new challenges for a few of my fellow bloggers, should they choose to accept: 

Gill from Realweegiemidget Reviews: Top Five Supernatural TV Movies from the 1970s or Top Five Favorite Joan Collins roles. 

John from Tales from the Freakboy Zone: Review The Greasy Strangler (2016) or Sometimes Aunt Martha Does Dreadful Things (1971) 

Brian from Movies from Beyond the Time Barrier: Top Five underrated/overlooked 1950s science fiction movies or Top Five underrated/overlooked 1970s science fiction TV movies

 

 

August Quick Picks and Pans

 

The Oily Maniac (1976) Eight years before Troma’s The Toxic Avenger, the Shaw Brothers unleashed their own grimy champion of justice. This entertaining hybrid horror/action film, directed by Meng-Hua Ho (Black Magic), is allegedly based on Malaysian folklore. Danny Lee stars as Shen Yuan, a disabled man who discovers the secret (from his death-row uncle) to transforming into a virtually unstoppable supernatural creature. Using his newly discovered superpowers, he exacts vengeance against all who have wronged him. In order to become the greasy creature, he has to periodically re-charge (in one scene, he covers himself in tar from a bubbling oil drum, and in another, he plunges into a vat of hot coconut oil). Although some of his choices leave something to be desired, it’s undeniably fun to watch him beat up the bad guys. It’s too bad this unconventional monster movie never spawned a series.

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray, DVD (Region 2) and Amazon Prime

Cold Eyes of Fear (1971) This would-be thriller from director Enzo G. Castellari (1990: The Bronx Warriors), set in swinging London, is all talk and little action. An ex-con and his lackey invade a judge’s house looking for the files of the court case that sent him to prison. The judge’s nephew (who’s also a judge) and his lady companion are caught in the middle, and must gather their wits to survive the night. Outside of a hallucinatory courtroom scene and a gallery of questionable hair styles, there’s not much reason to recommend this snoozer.

Rating: **½. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Kanopy

Billy the Kid Versus Dracula (1966) Prolific director William Beaudine’s follow-up to Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter proves to be just as baffling as its predecessor. After deciding to end his thieving ways and settle down, Billy the Kid (Chuck Courtney) goes to work as a ranch hand, where he falls in love with the rancher’s daughter Betty (Melinda Casey). But fate throws a monkey wrench into his plans when Dracula (John Carradine) rolls into town, posing as Betty’s long-lost uncle. If this sounds more like the synopsis for a bad sitcom than a horror/western movie, you’re not alone. The leads are miscast (Carradine plays an anemic-looking, perpetually bewildered count, and the actor playing Billy the Kid is about 15 years too old for the part), and the story is bereft of action or chills. Throw in some bad Native American stereotypes, generic “Old World” European characters, and one of the least convincing bats you’ve ever seen, and you’ve got the makings of an evening of so bad-it’s-good entertainment. It’s unfortunate that the end result is so dull.

Rating: **. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Kanopy

The Lost Continent (1968) This Hammer production, directed by Michael Carreras, bears no connection to the 1951 Cesar Romero film with the same name, although it covers some similar ground. The story is a confusing jumble, with lots of ideas thrown into the mix, but nothing really gels. A merchant ship carrying a small group of passengers and a cargo of illegal explosives meets rough seas. The passengers and crew endlessly bicker for an hour before we finally get to anything remotely interesting. They eventually wind up on a fog-shrouded island in the middle of the ocean, although calling it a “continent” is a bit magnanimous. The inhabitants are a mixture of Spanish conquistadors and British shipwreck survivors, who must contend with an assortment of prehistoric creatures, man-eating plants, and a kid who’s established himself as a demigod. It might be worth a look as a curiosity or if you’re a Hammer completist; otherwise, don’t bother.

Rating: **. Available on Blu-ray and DVD 

February Quick Picks and Pans

Bad Ronald (1974) I don’t usually cover TV movies, but this one deserves its own category. Whether you use 70s or today’s TV as a yardstick, it’s one twisted and bizarre ride. Scott Jacoby stars as Ronald Wilby, a socially awkward high school senior with an overbearing mother (Kim Hunter) who takes being over-protective to an extreme. In a fit of rage, Ronald kills a neighborhood girl, and his mom does what any rational parent would do – she conspires to hide the murder from the authorities, and seals off a room in the house, which will serve as Ronald’s secret lair. As the months wear on, and isolation takes its toll, he begins to dissociate from reality, creating an immersive fantasy world (Ronald fashions himself as “Prince Norbert” from the kingdom of Atranta).

Things go from bad to worse when his mother dies, and the house is sold to another family, albeit with a secret feature (no one seems to wonder why there are four bedrooms and only one bathroom). Ronald spies on the family, and sneaks into the rest of the house while they’re gone. Meanwhile, as his delusions continue to grow, he sets his sights on the family’s youngest daughter as his princess. Jacoby creates a truly memorable, unsettling performance. Bad Ronald is a funny, creepy, and unnerving experience, which might make you wonder about the history of the house you think you knew. It’s well worth seeking out.

Note: Watch for a brief appearance by veteran character actor John Fiedler as a realtor.

Rating: ***½. Available on DVD (through Warner Archive)

The Deathless Devil (aka: Yilmayan Seytan) (1972) Turkish director Yilmaz Atadniz’s mind-boggling action movie features dodgy effects, choppy editing, horrible acting, yet I somehow couldn’t look away. Kunt Tulgar (Hmm… I wonder why he never became a household name?) plays our hero Tekin, who adopts an alter-ego as the superhero Copperhead. Unlike many superhero origin flicks, his transformation is purely accidental. In an early scene, he’s confronted with the fact that his father isn’t his real father, and that his true dad was a crime-fighting superhero. Instead of going through the requisite soul-searching and intensive training it would likely take to bring him up to speed, Tekin spontaneously adopts the identity and crime-fighting skills of his predecessor after donning the Copperhead costume (In this instance, I suppose the clothes really do make the man). He’s assisted by an annoying sidekick in a ridiculous Sherlock Holmes get-up (When he’s not mugging for the camera, he’s ogling the women in the film). Add to the mix Copperhead’s arch-nemesis Dr. Satan (Erol Tas) with a giant cartoonish mustache and a paunch, a cheap-looking robot, and enough bargain-basement Bond (replete with some bootleg soundtrack snippets) action for ten other movies, and you’ve got something special. This is the stuff that other cult movies can only aspire to.

Note: Look for the Mondo Macabro DVD, which includes the equally beguiling, yet entertaining Turkish wonder Tarkan and the Vikings (1971).

Rating: ***. Available on DVD

Devil’s Express (aka: Gang Wars) (1976) Warhawk Tanzania (no, I didn’t make that up) stars as Luke, a martial arts expert. He unwisely takes his coke-snorting friend Rodan (Wilfred Roldan) on a trip to Hong Kong to sharpen his skills with the masters, and Rodan promptly steals an ancient amulet. This sparks the ire of an ancient demon, who somehow makes his way to New York City, where he wreaks havoc in the subway. The amusing premise is squandered, because of sloppy story-telling, too many scattered plot threads to mention, and execrable performances. Tanzania comes across as sort of a poor man’s Jim Kelly, sans charisma and the acting chops. It’s almost worth wading through this confusing, disjointed mess, if only to witness our gold jumpsuit-wearing protagonist battle the demon. Another mild highlight is an appearance by Brother Theodore as a deranged street preacher. This Kung Fu oddity might be worth a look if you’re in the right mood. Just be sure to lower your expectations a notch, then lower them another notch.

Rating: **½. Available on DVD and Amazon Prime

Saturn 3 (1980) Director Stanley Donen’s (yes, that Stanley Donen) sci-fi/horror hybrid tries to capitalize on the success of Alien, but the pieces don’t fit. Kirk Douglas and Farrah Fawcett play Adam and Alex, an unlikely pair of researchers/lovers on a remote research facility on Saturn’s moon Titan. Their idyllic existence is shaken to the core when Benson (Harvey Keitel), a mentally unstable official, arrives from Earth to monitor the efficiency of their operation. Things go in predictably bad ways after Benson transfers his homicidal, paranoid persona to his robot assistant, Hector, and the deranged automaton runs amok. To its credit, Saturn 3 boasts a cool robot and some imaginative sets. Unfortunately, it suffers from a poor story, clunky cliché-ridden dialogue, choppy editing and inconsistent special effects. But perhaps its biggest transgression is that Keitel’s dialogue is inexplicably dubbed (in a monotone voice). It’s a complete misfire.

Warning: If you’ve seen enough movies that arbitrarily introduce a cute pet, you can guess the fate of the dog in Saturn 3 – another good reason to skip this movie.  

Rating: **. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Amazon Prime