Meet the Feebles

(1989) Directed by Peter Jackson; Written by: Fran Walsh, Stephen Sinclair, Danny Mulheron, and Peter Jackson; Starring: Danny Mulheron, Donna Akersten, Stuart Devenie Mark Hadlow and Ross Jolly. Available on DVD.

Rating: ***½

Note: Back in 2018, Peter Jackson announced that he was supervising the 4K transfers of his early works, including Meet the Feebles. Sadly, we have yet to enjoy the fruits of his labor in UHD (as nature intended) or HD. As a result, I hope you’ll excuse the shoddy quality of the screenshots below, taken from a (presumably) gray market DVD.     

“If we’re satirizing anything it’s the squeamishness of people, breaking taboos – but just for fun. Using puppets allowed us to do a lot of things I never would have tried with humans, we got away with murder, and made a lot of people blind to the film’s subversivness. But some found it sacrilegious to make an adult puppet film with sex and splatter violence.” – Peter Jackson (excerpt from 1992 Film Threat interview)

“I had a phone call recently from a couple of people in Los Angeles who had seen the film the night before and they were talking about the fly: ‘We were just assuming it was some really nice blue-screen work and motion control,’ and I said, ‘No, we just dragged it on the end of a piece of string.”’ – Peter Jackson (excerpt from 1990 interview)

If you ever watched The Muppet Show and wondered why it didn’t have more sex, scatological humor, and general nastiness, my first question would be, what’s wrong with you? On second thought, I might have exactly what you’re seeking. How do you follow up a debut called Bad Taste (1987), which suitably lived up to its title? With something even more objectionable, of course. Director/co-writer/camera operator Peter Jackson’s sophomore effort, Meet the Feebles*/** was promoted with the tagline: “The adult puppet movie with something to offend everybody!” In this case, it’s not an idle boast, featuring every imaginable form of effluvia (Yes, even THAT) leaking from every orifice for your stomach-turning pleasure. Filmed over 12 weeks for an estimated $750,000 (NZD),*** Jackson and crew used an abandoned railway shed in Wellington as their base of operations. When production went over-budget and over-schedule, the crew were pressed to complete the film with deferred salaries. 

* Fun Fact #1: Meet the Feebles wasn’t originally intended to be a feature film, but a 30-minute (or 20-minute according to another article) short for a proposed New Zealand television show, Uncle Herman’s Bedtime Whoppers. 

** Fun Fact #2: Meet the Feebles marks the first of many collaborations with Jackson’s longtime creative and life partner, Fran Walsh (who met Jackson during a screening of Bad Taste). 

*** Fun Fact #3: Although partially funded by a Japanese distribution company, it was mostly paid for with money from the New Zealand Film Commission. When the Commission reviewed a copy of the script, they subsequently pulled funding for Jackson’s movie (which they later reconsidered).

Meet the Feebles chronicles a day in the life of a troupe of performers in a variety show, leading up to their big TV debut. As with all good backstage dramas, it provides a warts-and-all peek behind the curtains, with a collection of scandals that would make Kenneth Anger blush. The show’s producer, an unscrupulous walrus named Bletch, has his fingers in several pies, including cheating on his slightly over-the-hill girlfriend Heidi the Hippo with a petite feline ingenue, while running a drug ring on the side. He’s accompanied by his sleazy henchman/enforcer Trevor (a rat who sounds like Peter Lorre), who has a side-business of his own, making porn and snuff films. Meanwhile, star performer Harry the Hare has contracted a deadly STD (aka: “The Big One”),** with his doctor (appropriately named Dr. Quack) informing him he only has several hours left to live. Add to the mix Sid the Elephant, who’s slapped with a paternity lawsuit by his chicken ex-girlfriend (Guess what the baby looks like?). Basking in the glow of all these trespasses and tragedies is a muckraker journalist fly,** gleefully compiling material for his tabloid. The only character in this frenzied, backstabbing soap opera who appears to be innocent of any wrongdoing is naïve young performer, Robert the Hedgehog,*** who serves as our guide to the ensuing insanity. 

* Fun Fact #4: According to a couple of articles, Harry is suffering from an acute form of myxomatosis, a potentially fatal disease that affects rabbits. 

** Fun Fact #5: According to Jackson, “The way I try to deflate that scene with humour is that he’s eating the shit with a nice silver spoon and he has this really funny line of dialogue. Ninety-nine per cent of people won’t hear that line because they’ll be far too busy freaking out.” 

*** Fun Fact #6: The Robert puppet required up to five operators for body movement as well as facial expressions.

Although Jackson insisted none of the puppets were intended to be direct parodies of specific Muppets (something he probably said to keep Jim Henson’s lawyers appeased), it’s impossible not to see the multiple parallels in the chaotic behind-the-scenes drama. Heidi the Hippo is analogous to Miss Piggy, down to her flair for diva antics. The knife-throwing Wynard the Frog, a chronic PTSD sufferer and heroin addict, seems to be an amalgamation of Muppets Signor Baffi and Lew Zealand (we learn more about his traumatic past, with a flashback parody of The Deer Hunter, containing some ill-advised Asian stereotype rodents). Another famous Muppet makes a stealth appearance when Harry the Hare (hoping to make it through the night’s performance) prays to a frog on a cross. Another unmistakable nod to The Muppet Show are the film’s various musical numbers, including the jaunty title track, Heidi’s schmaltzy “Garden of Love,” and Blech’s stage director Sebastian’s would be show-stopper, “Sodomy” (Did I mention this film is anything but subtle?).

It’s hard to believe that the road to Jackson’s runaway commercial success with the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit franchises was paved with such early works as Meet the Feebles, when a “try anything” approach ruled the day (and try anything, he did). If Jackson had never experimented with throwing stuff at the wall to see what stuck, it’s questionable that he would have adequately refined his filmmaking skills. Given the time, resources and budget, it’s a minor miracle that Jackson and company were able to create such an impressive array of Mup- (Ahem!) Feebles. As strange as it may seem, the film’s numerous creations* were a dress rehearsal for the many wondrous Wētā Workshop** creatures and effects that would follow. Compared to his considerably more polished later films, Meet the Feebles is crude, tasteless, and scattershot. It’s also quite funny, forcing audiences to laugh despite their better nature. We may never see anything like it again, which is, perhaps, at once a shame and a relief. 

* Fun Fact #7: Cameron Chittock led the construction of various puppets, ranging in size from tiny fly puppet to the appropriately named whale Mr. Big, which was approximately 20 feet long. 

** Fun Fact #8: Future Wētā Workshop founders Richard Taylor and Tania Rodger cut their teeth on the film’s production, as model maker and puppet coordinator/maker, respectively. 

 

Sources for this article: “Spluppet on a Shoestring,” by Steve Menzies, Onfilm (1989); “Jackson’s Movies: Meet the Feebles,” Film Review Special. 2005, Issue 60, p50-51; “Just the Feebles,” by Sheldon Teitelbaum, Cinefantastique, 1990, volume 20; Braindead: An Interview with Peter Jackson,” by David E. Williams, Film Threat (February 17, 1992); “Meet Your Creature Feature,” by Ian Prior, Illusions (Issue 13, 1990); “Braindead: An Interview with Peter Jackson,” by David E. Williams, Film Threat (February 17, 1992); “Sex, Drugs and Soft Toys,” TVNZ (1989) 

Battle Royale

 

(2000) Directed by Kinji Fukasaku; Written by Kenta Fukasaku; Based on the novel by  Koushun Takami; Starring: Tatsuya Fujiwara, Aki Maeda, Taro Yamamoto, Chiaki Kuriyama, Takashi Tsukamoto, and Takeshi Kitano; Available on Blu-ray and DVD 

Rating: ****

“I had a horrible experience escaping air bombing and helping to pick up dismembered limbs of people who were killed. I realized later that I was told lies by the Japanese military government that told us we have to fight to save our country from the enemy. I felt cheated and isolated. This is what I wanted to portray in the movie.” – Kinji Fukusaku 

“Basically, the person who is outside the battlefield or someone who can calmly observe the whole situation has the most power. Below that level are the people who actually fight. That’s the nature of violence. The most frightening person is the one who is quiet and lets others be violent.” – Takeshi Kitano

Where does influence end and originality begin? Or perhaps this is the wrong question to ask. Film fans and critics alike often look for the mythical “first” movie that started it all, but that’s not as easy as it seems. The more movies I see, the more I realize it’s just one big continuum, with ideas constantly being recycled, regurgitated, and re-formed to fit the moment. Consider Battle Royale, one film that’s engendered the cinematic equivalent of the “chicken or the egg” debate since its release, and the subsequent franchises that drew upon it for inspiration (whether intended or not). The Hunger Games (2012), Ready or Not (2019), and Squid Games could arguably be considered direct descendants of Battle Royale, but Battle Royale didn’t exist in a vacuum, with the many books and films that preceded it encoded in its DNA (The Most Dangerous Game, Lord of the Flies, and The 10^th Victim, to name only a few). Veteran director Kinji Fukasaku,*/** best known for his controversial Yakuza films of the ‘60s and ‘70s*** prompted more controversy with his adaptation of Koushun Takami’s 1999 novel. 

* Fun Fact #1: Fukasaku celebrated two milestones with Battle Royale: His 60^th feature film and his 70^th birthday. 

** Not-So-Fun fact: Sadly, Battle Royale would prove to be his last completed project. Fukasaku died of cancer only a couple of years later, while filming Battle Royale II: Requiem (which was finished by his son, Kenta). 

*** Fun Fact #2: Kinji Fukasaku is probably best-known on these shores, however, for the kitschy space epic The Green Slime (1968).

Set in a dystopian near-future, Japanese society has eroded to the point where unemployment has reached 15%, youth violence has run rampant, and public schools can no longer manage their students. In response to these changes, the “BR Act” was created, to keep the young people in line. In the film, a classroom of 42 middle school students (traveling under the auspices of an end-of-year field trip) are brought to a remote island.* They soon learn they’re about to embark on a three-day life-or-death competition, with the object of killing each other off, until the last boy or girl is standing. Each student is subsequently provided with supplies (including a random weapon), and sent out meet his or her fate. To discourage any thoughts of escape, each student is equipped with necklaces that will explode if they disobey or attempt to tamper with the devices. Beyond the constraints of the island and necklaces, there are no rules. 

* Fun Fact #3: The island used for filming was Hachijō-kojima, a small island that has remained uninhabited (except for a population of goats) since the late 1960s.

Much like Lord of the Flies, some of the students form alliances, in the hopes that they will get through this together, but it’s merely delaying the inevitable. When “kill or be killed” is the only imperative, most of them do away with the pretense of friendship or teamwork. One such alliance is between “transfer student” Shôgo Kawada - Boy #5 (Tarô Yamamoto), who survived the game before, but at the expense of his girlfriend. He initiates a shaky truce with Shuya Nanahara - Boy #15 and Noriko Nakagawa - Girl #15 (Tatsuya Fujiwara and Aki Maeda, respectively). Kawada casts a shadow on his credibility when he continually changes his back-story (claiming at different times to be the son of a doctor, chef, and fisherman), leaving Shuya and Noriko to question his motives. While some choose to team up, others prefer to act alone. Another transfer student, Kazuo Kiriyama - Boy #6 (Masanobu Andô), operates on his own, mercilessly killing off the other students with maniacal glee. But at least everyone knows where they stand with Kiriyama. Less predictable is Mitsuko Sôma - Girl #11 (Kô Shibasaki), using every trick she knows to lull her fellow students into a false sense of security. A brief flashback to her early childhood provides a sympathetic view of an otherwise unsympathetic character, who vowed never to become a victim.

As disturbing as the students’ behavior may be, it pales in comparison to their teacher Kitano, played by comic actor Takeshi Kitano (aka: “Beat” Kitano). Kitano steals the show whenever he’s onscreen, with his deadpan delivery. In the opening scene, set a couple years before the government-ordained bloodbath, he’s stabbed by a student, resulting in his departure from the school. Now, bitter and estranged from his family, he returns to see his old class kill each other. Whatever status quo he’s preserving has done nothing to improve his life or set a model example for the younger generation. One nice little touch, illustrating Kitano’s amorality, is his munching on a bag of cookies (while he tracks the carnage from a control room) that was being shared by his students a only few hours earlier. One aspect that’s never fully explored is his soft spot for Noriko, who seems to fill the void (at least in his mind) of his broken relationship with his own daughter.

It would be a gross understatement to say that Battle Royale must have been a tough sell to any potential distributors (including its delay in getting a theatrical release in the States). It’s easy to see how it would be unpalatable to most audiences to depict a bunch of 9^th grade kids (most of whom were played by actors in their mid to late teens) murdering each other. Battle Royale was a lightning rod for its detractors, who focused on the content rather than the subtext. The satire was lost on members of Japanese parliament who decried the film as depicting violence for violence’s sake. When it was screened for the politicians, it evoked a knee-jerk reaction without analyzing what the film was attempting to say (Illustrated by the following selected quotes from two lawmakers on opposite ends of the political spectrum: “The movie is crude and it is tasteless.”; and “This movie is anti-social. It shows distinct acts of violence that have no place on the screen.”). In the context of the film, violence isn’t an end to itself, but a symptom of one of the main underlying themes – the breakdown in communications between the older and younger generations. Although Fukasaku’s interview quote referred to one of his earlier Yakuza films, it applies to his raison d'être for Battle Royale: “… I became interested in violence itself, its contagious, chaotic purposeless character.” When friends (or at least individuals that harbored no former animosity) are forced to fight for their survival, humanity is reduced to its most primitive state, where relationships in the outside world have no meaning. The adults’ answer, meeting the students’ violence with violence, is nothing but a dead end.

Battle Royale keeps many plates spinning as it follows the students’ individual personalities, and for the most part, it succeeds admirably. The message flew over the heads of well-intentioned, but misguided critics, politicians and concerned parents, but managed to reach audiences who appreciated its sardonic tone. The social commentary isn’t subtle, but then again that’s the point. Kinji Fukasaku’s film is at once a pitch-dark comedy, and a cautionary tale about what might happen if we ever grew accustomed to the wholesale slaughter of our fellow human beings. In its own way, Battle Royale recalls Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal,” taking a cartoonishly extreme stance, but with a wink and a heaping helping of stage blood. 

 

Sources for this article: “Kinji Fukasaku: An Introduction,” by Keiko McDonald, Film Criticism (Fall 1983, volume 8, issue 1); “Japanese Pols Taking Aim at ‘Battle’ Over Violence,” by Jon Herskovitz, Variety (December 4-10, 2000); “More to Him than ‘Green Slime,’” by Mark Magnier, Los Angeles Times (January 17, 2001); “A Battle Royal Over Movie Violence,” by Suvendrini Kakuchi, World Press Review (March 2001); Interview with Takeshi Kitano (included in 2014 Arrow Blu-ray) 

 

Japan-uary XV Quick Picks and Pans

 

The Red Angel (1966) Set during the second Sino-Japanese War in 1939, The Red Angel follows Sakura (Ayako Wakao), a young Japanese army nurse stationed in China. The soldiers who end up in the military hospital are regarded as nothing but expendable components of the machinery of war, while nurses are told to look the other way and not become attached to the sick and dying. In spite of everything, she does her best to keep the injured troops happy before they die or return to the front lines. Ultimately, she falls in love with a disillusioned, morphine-addicted doctor (Shinsuke Ashida), who spends most of his time deciding who lives and who dies. While Yasuzō Masumura’s bleak, unflinching film isn’t an easy watch, it’s superbly acted, and its theme of retaining one’s humanity in the most inhumane of circumstances resonates just as strongly today. 

Rating: ****. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Kanopy

Tokyo Chorus (1931) When salaryman Shinji Okajima (Tokihiko Okada) stands up for a fired co-worker, he’s let go as well. Thus begins his search for a new job in a time when work is scarce. Contending with various financial setbacks (including a sick daughter and a son who wants a new bike), he struggles to keep his chin up. Shinji finds renewed purpose when he has a chance encounter with an old college professor, forcing him to reassess what’s most important. This early silent film by Yasujirô Ozu hits all the right notes, with moments of drama tempered by gentle humor - a bittersweet, albeit life-affirming portrait of family life in pre-war Japan. 

Rating: ****. Available on DVD (Included in Eclipse Series 10: Silent Ozu - Three Family Comedies)

Daimajin (1966) The first in a trilogy by Daiei (followed by Return of Daimajin and Wrath of Daimajin), set in ancient Japan, is a bit of an anomaly in the world of kaiju that somehow got lost in the shuffle over the years. A benevolent feudal lord is murdered by an outsider who covets his position. When the new despot takes over, enslaving the villagers, he endeavors to wipe out any remaining heirs to the former leader. Still loyal to the Hanabusa clan, Kogenta (Jun Fujimaki) takes the surviving son and daughter (Tadafumi and Kozasa) for refuge in an enchanted mountain nearby. Ten years later, they’re back to recapture the village, with the help of a giant statue/god, Daimajin. The movie takes a while to get going, but it’s worth the wait for the ensuing kaiju mayhem. The Daimajin itself is a sight to behold, with its stern face and all-too-human eyes, making it a unique and terrifying creation. 

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray (The Daimajin Trilogy Arrow box set) 

Inflatable Sex Doll of the Wastelands (1967) Don’t let the lurid title (the eponymous doll only has a cameo) mislead you. Writer/director Atsushi Yamatoya’s surreal neo noir about Shô, a hitman (Yûichi Minato) seeking revenge against those who murdered his girlfriend, is full of surprises. This unconventional film switches between reality and fantasy, depicting the hitman’s imagined revenge, versus the reality of the situation. Minato does a great job as the diminutive and unassuming cold-blooded killer Shô, who’s no better than his nemesis, Kô (Shôhei Yamamoto).   

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray and Kanopy

Undertaker (2012) Writer/director Naoyoshi Kawamatsu’s low-budget, shot-on-video flick is set in an unspecified number of years after a zombie outbreak has devastated Japan. Ryouichi (Yoshito Kobashigawa) performs a service for family members grieving over their loved ones who have turned into zombies. He hunts down and dispatches the infected, so the families can experience a modicum of closure. His latest clients are parents whose grown daughter has succumbed to the zombie-creating virus. Undertaker makes the most of its brief running time, with animated butterflies representing the souls of those who have passed on (I think), and some appropriately gruesome practical effects. 

Rating ***. Available on Blu-ray and DVD

A Haunted Turkish Bathhouse (1975) In 1958 when brothels were officially outlawed in Japan, sex workers resorted to a workaround, the so-called Turkish bathhouse. One such worker, Yukino (Naomi Tani), is eager to leave her former life behind, with the promise of marriage to her boyfriend, Yûzô (Hideo Murota). Unfortunately for Yukino, her fiancé owes a large sum of money to a group of gangsters, forcing her to return to her previous profession. To add insult to injury, Yûzô’s not who he seems to be, running with criminals and scheming with the bathhouse madame. When deception turns to murder, Yukino’s younger sister, Mayumi (Misa Ohara) seeks revenge with the help of a cat demon. This (very) loose re-telling of Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Black Cat,” told through a traditional bakeneko mono (monster cat) lens features an entertaining mix of sex and violence with a supernatural twist. It’s probably not to everyone’s taste, but I’ll leave that to you to decide. 

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray

The Box Man (2024) A reclusive man known only as “Myself” (Masatoshi Nagase) experiences the world from the perspective of his cardboard box. He photographs the people who pass by, logging notes and observing, but never interacting. He’s under surveillance by a doctor (Tadanobu Asano) who’s not really a doctor, and is assisted by a nurse (Ayana Shiramoto) who’s not really a nurse. As we eventually discover, whoever obsesses about the Box Man becomes the Box Man. The film might have worked better if it had been more succinct (it’s probably 30 minutes too long for its own good), starting off on a promising note, but becoming more muddled as it ambles on. 

Rating: **½. Available on Prime Video and Midnight Pulp

The Hammer-Amicus Blogathon V Has Arrived – Day 3 Recap

 

We’ve returned for Day 3 of the Hammer-Amicus Blogathon V, hosted by Yours Truly and Gill from Realweegiemidget reviews, with a trio of new posts (two of which are Hammer comedies!) for your reading enjoyment.

If you’re running late, please let us know. We’ll be posting a Day 4 wrap-up tomorrow. Post a comment below, email me at barry_cinematic@yahoo.com, or reach me on BlueSky (@barrycinematic.bsky.social), Instagram (barry_cinematic), or Twitter/X (@barry_cinematic). You may also contact Gill by commenting on her post, through her blog’s Contact Me page, (https://weegiemidget.wordpress.com/contact-me/), or on Bluesky (@realweegiemidge.bsky.social).

 

In addition to today’s links, be sure to visit the Day 1 and Day 2 Recaps. Now, on to Day 3's posts...

Virginie Pronovost invites us to spend A Weekend with Lulu (1961). 

Tigerhearts Tales thrills and chills us with a look at Tyburn’s Legend of the Werewolf (1975). 

 

…And Yours Truly reviews Hammer’s comic take on Jekyll and Hyde, The Ugly Duckling (1959).  

 

See you tomorrow!

The Ugly Duckling

(1959) Directed by Lance Comfort; Written by Sid Colin and Jack Davies; Story by Sid Colin; Based on the novella The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, by Robert Louis Stevenson; Starring: Bernard Bresslaw, Reginald Beckwith, Jon Pertwee, Maudie Edwards, Jean Muir and Michael Ripper; Available on Blu-ray and DVD. 

Rating: ***½

“…We are going to surprise audiences in this one. We are going to show them there’s something more to Bresslaw than the ‘Army Game’ idiot they used to know.” – Michael Carreras (Producer) 

“You couldn’t go out and strangle a blonde like your great, great grandfather, could ya? Oh no, you had to go and nick a quarter million quid’s worth of jewelry!” – Victor Jeckle (Jon Pertwee) 

First and foremost, a shout-out is in order for my terrific co-host, Gill Jacob from Realweegiemidget Reviews, for co-hosting our fifth edition of the Hammer-Amicus Blogathon! Once again, I’m honored to co-host and take part in this three-day (plus) event. Be sure to check out all the exceptional posts!

While Hammer’s horror films took the world by storm, their comedies remained largely unknown on these shores. Even today, Hammer is mostly known for its horror and suspense offerings, while the other genre offerings from the production house remain largely unknown outside of the U.K. and Europe. Shifting back to horror, it was only a matter of time before the fine folks at Hammer Films decided to tackle Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic novella, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. In fact, Hammer liked the story so much, they’ve brought four film versions (as of this writing) to the big screen. Their first (and probably least known) adaptation was the comedy The Ugly Duckling,* a comic retelling of the familiar tale (one of the best gags, in the opening credits, proudly proclaims, “With ideas stolen from Robert Louis Stevenson”). 

* Fun Fact #1: The movie’s original title was Mad Pashernate Love (no wonder they changed it).

Bernard Bresslaw stars as the oafish but likeable Henry Jeckle,* great, great grandson of the infamous Dr. Henry Jekyll. Wherever he goes, disaster follows. Everyone, including his long-suffering older brother and sister, regard the well-meaning but clumsy and socially inept Henry with mild disdain. The only person in the world who seems to understand him is his friend Snout (Jean Muir), who might be more than a friend if he tried a little harder. After a ballroom dance gone awry, his sister Henrietta (Maudie Edwards) forbids him from accompanying his siblings to another event at their favorite club, but fate is about to intervene. In his spare time, he likes to dabble in potions, much like his infamous namesake. When one of his experiments predictably goes wrong, almost destroying his lab, he stumbles on an old formula from his great, great grandfather. He subsequently imbibes the concoction, transforming** into Teddy Hyde, a cocky yet suave alter-ego. The results are 180 degrees from his normal self: gone is the boyish curl on his forehead and perpetually bewildered expression, replaced by slicked back hair, a pencil mustache, and an overabundance of confidence.*** He returns to the club and kills it on the dance floor, catching the attention of a group of criminals led by the crooked dance hall manager Dandy (Elwyn Brook-Jones). Dandy and his men are planning a jewel heist, but the nearly impossible logistics of successfully pulling off the robbery is a major sticking point (Per Dandy’s henchman Fish, played by the always reliable Michael Ripper: “So all we want is a giant weightlifter who’s a tightrope walker, and an expert safecracker.”). Fate intervenes, with the answer standing right in front of them. 

* Why the filmmakers chose to change the surname for Jekyll’s descendants to “Jeckle” is anyone’s guess. To complicate matters, the pharmacy started by the doctor clearly bears the name “Jekyll,” as well as a portrait of the doctor. 

** Fun Fact #2: Hammer horror fans take note – the transformation music is none other than Dracula’s leitmotif by James Bernard, from the previous year’s Horror of Dracula (or just Dracula to those outside the States).  

*** Fun Fact #3: According to Marcus Hearne and Alan Barnes, Teddy Hyde was a riff on the “Teddy Boy” counterculture trend in vogue at the time.

While many considered Christopher Lee* to be the tallest performer working for Hammer, even he fell a bit short compared to Bernard Bresslaw,** who stood 6-feet, 7-inches. His lanky, towering frame ensured he was in high demand, among filmmakers in the U.K., including many appearances in the Carry On series of films (another cultural phenomenon largely unknown to Americans). Bresslaw seems to be having a great time, playing against the nerdy Henry as the suave Teddy. Teddy’s Id-driven persona is oddly liberating for Henry, who’s normally shackled by timidity and self-doubt. Of course, the premise requires more than a smidgen of suspension of disbelief from the audience. Similar to Clark Kent and Superman, Henry/Teddy manages to somehow pull the wool over everyone’s eyes (at least up to a point).   

* Fun Fact #5: Bresslaw was considered to play the monster in Curse of Frankenstein (1957), before he ultimately lost out to Christopher Lee. 

** Fun Fact #4: With 96 acting credits to his name, it’s a safe bet you’ve seen him in something. At least on these shores, he’s probably best known to filmgoers of a certain age as the morose Cyclops in Krull (1983).

The Ugly Duckling features some fine supporting performances by veteran character actors, including Henry’s older siblings, played by the man who would become Dr. Who, Jon Pertwee, as his pharmacist brother Victor, and Maudie Edwards as Henrietta. Reginald Beckwith amuses as Henrietta’s stuffy boyfriend Reginald (Regarding the burden of dealing with Henry’s many transgressions: “Could you send him away for a while? They say Australia is a nice place.”). Considering everyone else’s attitude towards Henry, Jean Muir provides a sympathetic counterpoint as Snout, a plucky member of the teen gang The Rockets. Despite Henry’s bumbling nature, she can’t help but have a soft spot for the big lug.

Far from an anomaly, The Ugly Duckling is one of many comedic interpretations of the enduring Robert Lewis Stevenson story, exploiting the possibilities of one actor playing two wildly contrasting personalities. The Bugs Bunny cartoon “Hyde and Hare” (1955), Jerry Lewis in The Nutty Professor (1963), or Mark Blankfield in the lesser-known Jekyll and Hyde, Together Again (1982), are just a few examples. Anyone with merely a passing familiarity with the source material will see the moral of the story a mile away (He had that other side within him all along, which in turn gives him the courage to be the best possible version of himself). As with many films, however, it’s not the story that’s original, but the journey. I went in with lowered expectations for The Ugly Duckling, not hearing much about it, and came out pleasantly surprised. Thanks to its breezy pace, witty dialogue and comic performance by Bresslaw, it’s a much more enjoyable take on Jekyll and Hyde than Hammer’s more straightforward, albeit pedestrian The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll (1960). It would take another several years for Hammer to return with another unconventional interpretation (and my personal favorite), Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde (1971), belatedly followed by the modern Hammer offering Dr. Jekyll (2023). At this rate, it’s probably safe to assume this isn’t the last we’ve heard of Stevenson’s story. The Ugly Duckling works well within its modest goals. It made me smile, and I hope it will make you smile too. 

 

Sources for this article: The Hammer Story, by Marcus Hearn and Alan Barnes; “Bernard Bresslaw Gets a New Look,” Kinematograph Weekly (May 28, 1959)

Witchcraft Month Quick Picks and Pans

Bell, Book and Candle (1958) It’s hard not to be captivated by director Richard Quine’s whimsical adaptation of John Van Druten’s play, about Gillian Holroyd (Kim Novak), a witch who must rethink her ways after finding the man of her dreams. James Stewart (who co-starred with Novak the same year in Vertigo) plays the object of her affection, Shepherd Henderson. One of the many highlights is Elsa Lanchester’s brilliant, eccentric supporting performance, as Gillian’s meddling aunt Queenie. The strong cast also features Jack Lemmon as Gillian’s slightly-less-talented warlock brother, Ernie Kovacs as a hack writer, and Hermoine Gingold as a rival witch. 

Rating: ****. Available on Blu-ray and DVD 

 

The Witch’s Mirror (aka: El Espejo de la Bruja) (1962) After she’s poisoned by her scheming doctor husband Eduardo (Armando Calvo), Elena (Dina De Marco) returns as a vengeful spirit to torment him and his new wife Deborah (Rosita Arenas). When Deborah becomes horribly disfigured in a fire, Eduardo tries to restore her appearance, using skin grafts from cadavers. Unsurprisingly, things don’t proceed as planned. The Witch’s Mirror packs a lot of entertainment in its scant 76-minute running time, channeling an E.C. Comics-style revenge story, while drenched in gothic atmosphere.  

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray (included in the Indicator Mexico Macabre box set) and DVD

 

The Devonsville Terror (1983) Director/co-writer Uli Lommel’s uneven but sporadically engaging film is set in New England but was shot in Wisconsin. In the brief prologue, circa 1683, three women accused of witchcraft in a small village are summarily tried and executed. Before the leader perishes, she vows revenge against the descendants of those who wronged them. 300 years later, three women arrive in town, where not much has changed about the residents’ attitudes toward women. One bright spot is Donald Pleasence as Dr. Warley, who contends with a centuries-old curse that causes a deadly worm infestation. While the incel-like behavior of the male townspeople is tough to watch, their gory, over-the-top comeuppance might make this worth a look. 

Rating: **½. Available on Blu-ray and DVD

 

The Witches Mountain (1973) After he rejects his ex-girlfriend’s offer for a whirlwind vacation, a photojournalist immerses himself in a new assignment to investigate a mystery in the countryside. He encounters a coven of witches residing in the mist-shrouded mountains, but their discovery could mean his doom. The Witches Mountain is distinguished primarily for having been banned by the Spanish government at the time for its supernatural subject. While the cinematography is excellent, it’s slow moving and ultimately unsatisfying. 

Rating: **½. Available on Blu-ray

 

The Witchmaker (aka: The Naked Witch) (1969) A group of college researchers travel to a Louisiana bayou to study the witchcraft practitioners in the area. Meanwhile, a warlock, Luther the Berserk (John Lodge),lurks in the shadows, searching for potential victims (he drains their blood to keep his ancient witch lover alive). The clueless students are picked off one by one. Somehow, the movie manages to squander its premise, dragging on and on, with too many talky scenes. Don’t be deceived by the lurid alternate title, which promises more than it delivers. 

Rating **. Available on Blu-ray, DVD (Out of Print), Prime Video and Tubi 

Necropolis (1986) In the film’s prologue, set in New Amsterdam, Eva (LeeAnne Baker) a powerful witch (who knew 17^th century witches had permed hair, and wore lingerie and blue eye shadow?) is hunted down and destroyed. The story jumps forward three centuries to modern-day New York, where the reincarnated witch, now sporting a New Wave hairdo runs amok in the city. A police detective and a snooping reporter combine forces to track down the ancient baddie. Writer/director Bruce Hickey’s would-be Satanic panic movie is filled with laughable dialogue, cheap sets, and mediocre makeup, but its worst offense is that it pulls its punches. Avoid this tepid mess. 

Rating: 2 stars. Available on DVD and Tubi

 

March Quick Picks and Pans

Bone (1972) The lives of well-to-do white middle-aged couple Bill and Bernadette (Andrew Duggan and Joyce Van Patten) are turned topsy turvy when a mysterious black man called Bone (Yaphet Kotto) suddenly enters their lives. Writer/director Larry Cohen’s (in his directing debut) intriguing film defies easy categorization, while it lays bare the hypocrisies of upper-class life. Bone perpetuates an atmosphere of unease, keeping you guessing where it’s going from beginning to end, thanks to Kotto’s great performance as the enigmatic title character. 

Rating: ***½. Available on DVD and Tubi

Dr. Caligari (1989) Loosely based on The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) director/co-writer Stephen Sayadian’s hallucinogenic experience looks more like a filmed performance art piece than a traditional movie. Madeleine Reynal stars as the latest iteration of Dr. Caligari, who uses her patients as guinea pigs. Short on plot but big on atmosphere, Dr. Caligari’s fly-on-the-wall perspective flits from one weird set piece to another, like your own private sideshow. Filled with trippy scenarios and disturbing body horror, you might wonder if someone slipped something in your drink. Aside from the bizarre makeup effects and absurdist dialogue is a fun comic performance by Fox Harris (in his final role) as Caligari’s assistant, the warped Dr. Avol. What does it add up to? Beats me, but I enjoyed the trip. It’s safe to say Dr. Caligari won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you’re tired of the same thing, this might just be what you’re seeking. 

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray and Shudder 

 

The Mad Bomber (aka: The Police Connection) (1973) Bert I. Gordon’s (yes, that Bert I. Gordon) seedy B-exploitation thriller set on the mean streets of Los Angeles might be this month’s biggest surprise. While writer/director Gordon doesn’t bring us giant spiders or enormous go-go dancing teens this go-round, he still manages to make everything seem larger than life with exaggerated situations and over-the-top performances. Chuck Connors stars as William Dorn, the eponymous “Mad Bomber,” who wants to make society pay for its transgressions after the drug overdose death of his daughter. With his comically strict adherence to decorum and social etiquette (think Serial Mom), Dorn almost could have been a character in a John Waters movie. Meanwhile a serial rapist (Neville Brand) is roaming the streets, and one police detective (Vince Edwards) thinks he may be the only person who can identify the bomber. Filled with nutty dialogue, gratuitous nudity, and a shaky moral compass, The Mad Bomber may not be anyone’s definition of “quality” cinema, but it’s damned entertaining – a career best for Gordon. 

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Midnight Pulp

Hidden (2015) Before they hit the big time with Stranger Things (2016), writing/directing duo the Duffer Brothers made this gripping sci-fi/horror film set in a post-apocalyptic landscape. Ray and Claire (Alexander Skarsgård and Andrea Riseborough) live with their young daughter Zoe (Emily Alyn Lind) in a dingy underground shelter, below the charred ruins of a town. They live in a constant state of vigilance, avoiding the roaming “Breathers” who live above ground. With shades of Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend, and pre-figuring the thematically similar A Quiet Place (2018), Hidden is a taut, claustrophobic thriller with an interesting twist. 

Rating: ***½. Available on DVD

Bury Me an Angel (1971) Writer/director Barbara Peeters’ (Humanoids from the Deep) biker revenge flick is almost worthy of its own sub-genre, due to its unconventional protagonist. When her brother is shot and killed for stealing a chopper, Dag (Dixie Peabody) embarks on a quest to find the killer, and exact her own brand of justice. As she roam’s the dusty landscape of the American Southwest, accompanied by fellow biker friends Jonsie and Bernie, they cross paths with a self-important cop (“What in the cornbread hell is going on?”), an officious high school principal, and a self-proclaimed witch. The standard revenge plot is nothing new, but Peabody keeps it fresh as the anti-authority lead character. 

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray and Prime Video

The Ghastly Ones (1968) This head-scratcher from writer/director Andy Milligan is another bargain-basement Victorian-period drama with costumes (courtesy of Milligan) that look like they were hastily assembled from old curtains and carpet scraps (which probably isn’t far from the truth). Three sisters and their husbands are invited to a weekend at their deceased father’s estate, where they soon discover someone wants them dead. Milligan regular Hal Borske plays a hunchbacked servant with a surprising past, while one of the few bright spots is Milligan muse Neil Flanagan, who’s underused as an elderly lawyer. 

Rating: **½. Available on Blu-ray (in The Dungeon of Andy Milligan Collection), DVD and Tubi

 

Three Nuts in Search of a Bolt (1964) Director/co-writer Tommy Noonan also stars as himself as a nebbish-y out-of-work actor. His luck changes when he’s hired by three individuals: unlucky-in-love stripper Saxie Symbol (Mamie Van Doren), a narcissist, and an alcoholic misanthrope. They can’t afford therapy individually, so they have Noonan stand in their place, as a patient with dissociative identity disorder. Psychiatrist Dr. Myra Von (Ziva Rodann) sees him as her cash cow, while Noonan struggles to keep up the charade. This “adults only” movie (filmed in black and white with color fantasy sequences) might have been risqué stuff by early ‘60s standards, but seems positively tame now, and what passes for “comedy” doesn’t translate well to modern audiences, starting with Noonan’s unfunny performance. 

Rating: **. Available on DVD and Tubi 

 

 

“Attack of the…” Month Quick Picks and Pans

 

Attack the Gas Station (1999) A group of aimless Korean youths hold up a gas station for kicks, taking the employees hostage. They get more than they bargained for, however, when they inadvertently escalate a gang war. Attack the Gas Station approaches its subject with sly humor and unexpected depth, delving into the histories of the disenchanted anti-heroes. Fasten your seatbelts, and get ready for some anarchic fun. 

Rating: ***½. Available on DVD 

Attack of the Beast Creatures (1985) What do you do when you set out to make your own monster movie, but the estimate to have the monsters fabricated costs far more than the entire budget? You make your own. The results are (ahem)… well, they tried. The survivors of a doomed ocean liner in the North Atlantic, circa May 1920, end up on a seemingly uninhabited island. They soon discover deadly acid pools and a bunch of vicious little red humanoid creatures with glowing eyes and sharp teeth. Soon, they have to fight their way through a hostile forest to get back to the lifeboat. Director Michael Stanley’s no-budget made-in-Connecticut wonder is nothing, if not ambitious. It’s not good, but never fails to entertain, with bad acting, laughable effects, and unintentional humor. 

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray 

Gyo: Tokyo Fish Attack (2012) Takayuki Hirao’s anime adaptation of Junji Ito’s bleak manga Gyo cuts many corners, blending cell art with less effective computer-generated animation. While it’s not the best Ito adaptation, it’s far from the worst. A young woman on vacation with her friends, falls into a nightmare situation when they’re overrun by foul-smelling sea creatures with mechanical legs. She returns to an apocalyptic version of Tokyo on a quest to find her boyfriend. Gyo tries to be more “adult” with excessive fan service, which detracts from the plot. Nevertheless, the horror of Ito’s original story shines through, as humanity, paying for the sins of the fathers, is brought to the brink of extinction. 

Rating: ***. Available on DVD 

Attack of the Robots (1966) This somewhat deceptively titled spy spoof from director Jesús Franco is surprisingly competent, if a bit generic. Eddie Constantine (Alphaville) stars as retired Interpol agent Al Pereira, who’s enlisted to foil a plot to turn people into zombie assassins (controlled by a pair of special horn-rimmed glasses). Sophie Hardy provides some sizzle as Pereira’s Interpol counterpart, Cynthia Lewis, but there’s little chemistry between the two leads. There’s also some uncomfortable “Chinese” stereotypes portrayed by Spanish actor Vicente Roca as counter-spy, Lee-Wee. Look for Franco in a cameo as a nightclub pianist.   

Rating: **½. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Tubi 

Attack of the Giant Teacher (2019) Kenzo Miyazawa (Makoto Kojima) is a night school teacher at a career crossroads, lacking energy or enthusiasm for his job. When he learns that the school is being closed down at the end of the year, he encourages his confused students to plan one final event: an Edo-period musical. Oh, and there just happens to be an insatiably hungry alien who wants to put Earth’s residents on its dinner plate. Attack of the Giant Teacher features some surprisingly colorful characters. Unfortunately, its reach far exceeds its grasp, with dreadful CGI effects and the giant teacher vs. kaiju action implied by the title doesn’t occur until the final five minutes. It probably would have been better to scrap the tokusatsu plot in favor of focusing on the dynamic of teacher and students alone, but the film has its moments. 

Rating: **½. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Tubi

Ski Troop Attack (1960) Filmed in South Dakota with most of the same cast and crew as Beast from Haunted Cave (1959), Roger Corman’s cut-rate World War II “epic” runs just over an hour (including a heap of stock footage). A small ragtag bunch of American soldiers led by the gung-ho Lt. Factor (Michael Forest) attempt to destroy a bridge, deep inside enemy territory. It’s pretty standard stuff, down to the soldier who can’t wait to get back home (Guess what happens to him?). For Corman completists only. 

Rating: **. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Tubi

 

Attack of the Killer Refrigerator (1990) Shot on VHS for what looks like $50 (folks, this isn’t the movie to showcase your 4K TV), this horror spoof takes place during the course of one evening in a suburban house. After partying young people scrape the ice out of a refrigerator, the (wounded?) kitchen appliance is out for revenge, picking off the residents and guests one by one – and that’s about it. The short film only runs 16 minutes, so you don’t have much time to be bored. 

Rating: *½. Available on Blu-ray