Medical Nightmares Month Quick Picks and Pans

Horror Hospital (1973) Michael Gough stars as the unscrupulous Dr. Christian Storm, who runs a sanitorium for young adults. The sanitorium is only a ruse, however, to provide a steady supply of unwilling test subjects for his experimental brain surgery (as a deterrent for potential escapees, the doctor’s limousine is equipped with a blade for quick and easy decapitations). The operation results in zombies who obey his every command. Robin Askwith and Vanessa Shaw play two 20-something patients who attempt to foil his plans, while trying to make it out alive. Gough is in top form playing another warped character you love to hate. Good, darkly comic fun. 

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray and DVD 

 

Infection (2004) In director/co-writer Masayuki Ochiai’s unsettling, claustrophobic medical horror thriller, tensions run high at a small, financially strapped hospital. Already understaffed, overworked, and underpaid, the doctors and nurses are stretched beyond the breaking point when an infection of unknown origin runs through the patients and staff. The disease exerts a psychological and physiological effect on its victims, twisting perceptions while it transforms them into puddles of green goo. While the plot gets a bit muddy, it’s worth seeing for the strong performances and creepy atmosphere. 

Rating: ***½. Available on DVD and Tubi.

The Dentist (1996) When a high-strung dentist, Dr. Feinstone (Corbin Bernsen) discovers that his wife Brooke (Linda Hoffman) has been cheating on him with the pool man, his sanity goes off the deep end. Starting with Brooke, he takes his revenge on anyone else who crosses him. Although the makeup effects are suitably icky, the film overall is surprisingly restrained, with much more implied than shown. If you had an aversion to visiting the dentist before seeing this movie, it’s not likely to change your opinion. Look for a young Mark Ruffalo as a sleazy agent, Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead) as a police detective, and Earl Boen (Terminator, T2: Judgement Day) as a crooked IRS auditor. Directed by Brian Yuzna and co-written by Dennis Paoli, Stuart Gordon, and Charles Finch, The Dentist doesn’t break new genre ground, but it achieves its modest goals. 

Rating: ***. Available on DVD and Tubi 

Scalpel (1977) Dr. Phillip Reynolds (Robert Lansing), a morally bankrupt plastic surgeon, concocts an elaborate scheme to seize his runaway daughter’s (Judith Chapman) $5 million inheritance. An opportunity falls in his lap when he discovers a stripper who has been left for dead on the streets, with her face destroyed. He takes her under his wing, reconstructing her face in his daughter’s image. He grooms the ersatz daughter (also played by Chapman) to convince his lawyer and the rest of his family that she’s the real deal. Complications ensue, however, when the real daughter returns, only to find her doppelganger in her place. While far from perfect, it’s a decent thriller with a good twist ending.  

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray and Tubi

12 Hour Shift (2020) Set in a rural Arkansas hospital over the course of one night, anything can and often does happen. Mandy (Angela Bettis), a nurse at the end of her rope, keeps herself going by pilfering various drugs from the hospital, and taking part in a black-market organ transplant ring. When her dimwitted cousin (Chloe Farnworth) misplaces a kidney, it becomes just one of a cascade of unfortunate events, including bad weather, power outages, and a dangerous convict (David Arquette) on the loose. Matters are made worse by some inept cops and a less-than-helpful nursing staff. Writer/director Brea Grant’s black comedy keeps a lot of plates spinning, sometimes stretching credulity to its breaking point, but the colorful characters, amusing dialogue, and outrageous situations make this a diverting watch.   

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray and DVD

Night of the Bloody Apes (1969) In this Mexican exploitation film from director/co-writer René Cardona, a “gorilla” (although in the establishing shots, it’s clearly an orangutan) is taken from the local zoo by Dr. Krallman (José Elías Moreno), desperate to save his terminally ill son Julio (Agustín Martínez Solares). He successfully transplants the gorilla’s heart into his son (including some real open-heart surgery footage), but there’s an unexpected side-effect: Julio transforms into a murderous, hulking ape creature that kills men and rips the clothes off unsuspecting women. There’s also a women’s wrestling subplot that somehow figures into the story, prompting me to wonder if this started as another Santo movie (sadly, there’s no match with the monster). Stupid, silly and exploitive, but never dull. 

Rating: **½ stars. Available on Blu-ray, DVD, Prime Video and Midnight Pulp 

The Immortalizer (1989) This film features a B-movie premise that could have been a fun throwback to cheapo ‘40s and ‘50s productions if it hadn’t been so clumsily executed. Dr. Divine (Ron Ray) runs an underground clinic that transplants the brains of old, rich people into young, healthy bodies. A young man escapes the clinic, but returns to investigate the disappearance of his brother and their dates who have become subjects for the doctor’s experiments. Much like 1957’s The Unearthly, which the film seems to take its inspiration from, the action mostly takes place in one house, with interminable scenes of the characters running around. Even at 96 minutes, it seems at least 20 minutes too long. 

Rating: **. Available on Blu-ray and Prime Video 

Hellhole (1985) In this would-be thriller, Judy Landers stars as Susan Walker, an amnesiac in a mental hospital. The facility is lorded over by the sadistic Dr. Fletcher (Mary Woronov), who conducts experimental chemical lobotomies on patients in a clinic affectionately known as “Hellhole.” Meanwhile, she’s relentlessly pursued by the same hired killer (Ray Sharkey) who killed her mother. Susan’s memory holds the key to the whereabout of some “papers,” although their significance is never made clear. The movie features lots of gratuitous nudity to distract you from the fact that the story is so underbaked (including former Russ Meyer starlet Edy Williams as a fellow patient, whose sole purpose seems to be appearing in various states of undress). By the time the film sputters to an end, you’ll probably cease to care. 

Rating: **. Available on Blu-ray and Tubi 

X-Ray (aka: Hospital Massacre) (1981) Barbi Benton stars as Susan, a divorced businesswoman visiting the hospital for a routine exam. What was supposed to be a brief consultation with her doctor turns into an indefinite hospital stay when someone tampers with her X-rays, making it seem as if she’s suffering from a serious illness. As the body count piles up, it becomes evident that she’s the killer’s real target. An interesting premise is squandered by standard slasher trappings, and a comically incompetent hospital staff (who somehow fail to notice all the deaths). 

Rating: **. Available on Blu-ray, Prime Video and Tubi 

Surgikill (1989) Andy Milligan’s final film, this aggressively unfunny slasher comedy, ensured that his career went out with a whimper. Chaos is the rule at Goode Hospital, a struggling community hospital (which appears to be comprised of three rooms). A killer roams the halls, dispatching the clueless hospital staff. With its haphazard editing, cringe-worthy acting, and gags that consistently fall flat, Surgikill falters, even by Milligan’s questionable standards. 

Rating: *½. Available on DVD, Midnight Pulp, Prime Video and Tubi 

 

 

 

The Man Who Could Cheat Death

(1959) Directed by Terence Fisher; Written by Jimmy Sangster; Based on the play The Man in Half Moon Street by Barré Lyndon; Starring: Anton Diffring, Hazel Court, Christopher Lee, Arnold Marlé, and Delphi Lawrence; Available on Blu-ray and DVD

Rating: ***½

“I must insist in saying that there are no South American versions, nor are there any Japanese versions or any other versions. This is what happens: we shoot the scenes up to the point where we say, ‘This is it; no further; this is how it should be.’ Subsequently, the complete integral version is submitted to the censors of each country, whereupon they decide what could be cut and what should be left in… There was only one scene they asked me to shoot for possible export. That was a waist nude of Hazel Court when she was posing in The Man Who Could Cheat Death.” – Terence Fisher (on shooting alternate film versions for Hammer)

 

Ever since our species have contemplated our mortality, it’s been the dream of philosophers, scientists, and the wealthy to find the secret to prolonging life. Barré Lyndon’s 1939 play The Man in Half Moon Street ran with this theme, followed by the 1944 Paramount film adaptation. Seeking to get a piece of the late ‘50s Hammer Horror pie, Paramount offered their property to the production company. Peter Cushing was offered the starring role, but when he turned it down for unknown reasons (presumably exhaustion), Hammer scrambled to find a replacement. The logical choice was Anton Diffring,* who played the role in 1957, for a one-hour segment of the British television series, Hour of Mystery (sadly, it’s presumed lost). Hammer’s version was retitled The Man Who Could Cheat Death,** with the play’s main character, John Thackeray, changed to Georges Bonnet for the latest version. 

* Fun Fact #1: The re-casting of Diffring was truly a last-minute decision, with producer Michael Carreras offering the role only five days before shooting was to begin. 

** Fun Fact #2: The film’s working title was The Man in the Rue Noire, before it became known as The Man Who Could Cheat Death.

Set in Paris, circa 1890, doctor and hobbyist sculptor Georges Bonnet (Anton Diffring) has set up his practice in a new place (curiously, we never see him practicing medicine or treating a single patient). Just as he’s about to retire his latest model/muse Margo Philippe (Delphi Lawrence), an old flame from his days in Italy, Janine Du Bois (Hazel Court), walks back into his life. When Janine agrees to pose for Bonnet’s unfinished project, a nude bust, their passion is reignited – much to the disdain of her current boyfriend, Dr. Pierre Gerrard (Christopher Lee). Meanwhile, Margo, who’s less than thrilled to have been kicked to the curb, accidentally discovers Bonnet’s secret, which he’s guarded fiercely for decades: an elixir that restores his youth and vitality. As we soon learn, however, the substance only has a temporary effect, with a more permanent solution requiring more drastic measures. Bonnet eagerly awaits the arrival of his elderly colleague Dr. Weiss (Arnold Marlé),* who alone holds the secret to prolonging his life, a surgical procedure involving replacement of the parathyroid gland (which requires replacement every 10 years).** Complications ensue when the now 89-year-old Dr. Weiss (who was once 15 years Bonnet’s junior) reveals that a recent stroke has rendered him incapable of operating. Desperate to preserve his life at any cost, Bonnet is forced to find another doctor who can perform the delicate surgery. But time and his previous misdeeds (moving from place to place each preceding decade, while his models mysteriously disappear) have begun to catch up with him. 

* Fun Fact #3: Marlé, who also appeared with Diffring in the 1957 television version, reprised his role as Dr. Ludwig Weiss for the movie. 

** Fun Fact #4: Although an operation scene seems to suggest that the parathyroid gland was in Bonnet’s abdomen, the real parathyroid gland (humans generally have four) is located around the thyroid gland in the neck.

The film’s greatest strength is in the performances by a cast of exemplary actors.* While some might view Diffring’s performance as Bonnet to be cold and distant, I would argue that he sets the right tone, as someone who’s progressively lost his humanity over the years, desperate to keep his youthful visage at any cost. On the other hand, it’s a little difficult to imagine Peter Cushing occupying the same role, although I’m confident he would have done a good job with his interpretation of the character. Hazel Court is radiant as Bonnet’s muse and former lover, Janine, in what should have been her breakthrough role as a Hammer star (unfortunately, this film proved to be Diffring’s only role for Hammer, and Court’s last). Christopher Lee is underutilized as Dr. Pierre Gerrard, who seems to be there only to serve as the film’s moral compass. Arnold Marlé has a more substantial role as Dr. Weiss, who’s grown ambivalent about his relationship with his longtime friend and colleague. His tipping point is reached when he expresses his disgust to Bonnet about his flagrant disregard for the sanctity of human life. 

* Fun Fact #5: Hammer regular Michael Ripper was reportedly slated to play a scene as a morgue attendant, although it appears the scene was never shot.

Despite the fact that the film was fairly tame compared to its Hammer contemporaries The Curse of Frankenstein and Dracula (aka: Horror of Dracula), the British Board of Film Censors (BBFC) scrutinized every detail of the production, starting with Georges Bonnet’s hobby (they didn’t like the idea that the main character was a sculptor of busts, which was apparently too salacious for audiences). They also objected to the scenes when Bonnet attacked one of the characters with his toxic green hand (the accompanying sound effect was cut from the final print). The BBFC also deemed the final scene too gruesome, so the climactic sequence was truncated for the release version. Most famously, a brief shot of Hazel Court posing topless was excised from the UK and American prints but retained for the European cut (film lovers will be pleased to learn that the recent Vinegar Syndrome release restores the cut shot of Court, as well as the complete final scene).  

 

The Man Who Could Cheat Death resonates with the age-old theme of someone vainly attempting to overcome humankind’s mortal limits. With shades of The Picture of Dorian Gray (minus the painting) and Bluebeard, the film illustrates how the quest for the secret to eternal life is an ultimately selfish pursuit, neither practical nor desirable. It’s too bad it’s not regarded as highly as some other Hammer productions. It stands on its own, featuring an enduring premise, fine performances, and eye-catching color cinematography. By virtue of following The Curse of Frankenstein and Dracula, the bar was set impossibly high for this comparatively lower-key production. While the movie fails to hide its origins as a stage production, its other substantial assets are more than enough to hold our attention. With the benefit of quite a few decades behind its belt, The Man Who Could Cheat Death deserves a reassessment, based on its own merits. Although perhaps a notch below some of Hammer’s most celebrated films, it’s certainly worthy of its Hammer Horror pedigree. 

 

Sources for this article: Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray commentary by Kim Newman and Stephen Jones; “A Hideous Concoction – Film Historian Jonathan Rigby on The Man Who Could Cheat Death” (Vinegar Syndrome featurette); The Hammer Story, by Marcus Hearn and Alan Barnes; Hammer Films: The Unsung Heroes, by Wayne Kinsey

Musical May Quick Picks and Pans

 

True Stories (1986) Writer/director David Byrne is our guide to the fictional town of Virgil, Texas, where they’re about to hold their sesquicentennial celebration. He introduces us to an assortment of Virgil’s eccentric residents, including: Kay and Earl Culver (Annie McEnroe and Spalding Gray), a husband and wife who haven’t spoken to each other in years, a pathological liar (Jo Harvey Allen), Louis Fyne (John Goodman), a good-natured bachelor who just wants a wife, and a woman so lazy she never leaves her bed (Swoosie Kurtz). The actors perform the Talking Heads songs, placing their unique spin on the material. It’s a skewed little slice of Americana, as only David Byrne can show us. 

Rating: ****. Available on Blu-ray and DVD 

 

Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical (2005) This Showtime-produced film, based on the off-Broadway musical by Kevin Murphy and Dan Studney (who also adapted it for the feature), uses the sensationalistic 1936 anti-marijuana scare film as a launching point.  Alan Cumming (who plays multiple roles) is our guide through a world of sin and depravity, as only the devil’s lettuce can take us (allegedly). Watch as ordinary American “teen” couple Mary Lane (Kristen Bell) and Jimmy Harper (Christian Campbell) fall under the spell of the illicit substance, after Jimmy falls in with a bad crowd. The musical numbers are a lot of fun (especially the one taking place in heaven), along with the satirical lambasting of "wholesome” 1930s society. 

Rating: ****. Available on Blu-ray, DVD, Tubi and Prime Video

Lisztomania (1975) The same year he graced us with Tommy, writer/director Ken Russell shot this audacious oddball of a movie, suggesting composer/pianist Franz Liszt (Roger Daltrey) was the rock star of his day. It’s a delirious cocktail of bizarre imagery, sex, and music, like Russell’s greatest hits, distilled into one movie. Don’t look for historical accuracy – just let it flow through your brain as you try to make sense of it all. Paul Nicholas co-stars as Liszt’s friend/rival composer Richard Wagner (who happens to be a vampire), Ringo Starr makes a memorable cameo as the Pope. I can’t say I understood it, but I enjoyed the ride. 

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray and DVD 

Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy (1976) Chances are, you’ve probably never seen a version of Alice in Wonderland like this before. Thanks to the filmmakers of the anything-goes ‘70s, Alice was only one of several adult parodies of beloved (aka: public domain) stories. Alice (Kristine DeBell) is at a crossroads with her frustrated boyfriend, whose advances are constantly thwarted. After another argument over sex (or lack thereof), Alice has a moment of reflection, and decides to learn what all the fuss is about. Thus begins, her trippy quest of self-discovery in Wonderland, where she meets the usual suspects, including the White Rabbit, Tweedledum and Tweedledee, and the Mad Hatter (guess what the 9-3/4 on his hat refers to). Sure, the jokes are corny, and there are too many unnecessary insert shots, but it’s hard not to appreciate the effort that went into making this a genuine musical. The songs (written by Bucky Searles and Jack Stern) are decent, with some highlights being: “Guess I Was Just Too Busy Growing Up,” “Alice Helps Humpty Dumpty Up,” and “What’s a Nice Girl Doing on a Knight Like This?”. Give it a try, if you dare. 

Rating: ***. Available on DVD 

The First Nudie Musical (1976) A struggling independent studio owner (Stephen Nathan) experiences a flash of inspiration to save his livelihood: produce a porn musical. He secures the funding, with the catch that he needs to complete the film within two weeks, or ownership of the studio will transfer to his debtors. Despite a series of setbacks involving casting, songwriting, and working with a rookie director (played by Bruce Kimmel, who wrote and co-directed), the somehow manages to get the production off the ground. The songs are mostly forgettable, and the majority of the jokes fall flat, but it’s harmless enough. Perhaps the premise could be worked into a better movie someday.   

Rating: **½. Available on DVD, Tubi and Prime Video 

Pennies from Heaven (1981) It’s the feel-bad musical sensation of 1981, folks. Herbert Ross’ lavish musical, set in the middle of the Great Depression, is nice to look at, but relentlessly grim from beginning to end. Steve Martin (in what could be his most unlikeable role to date) stars as Arthur Parker, a struggling music salesman prone to flights of fancy. He abandons his wife Joan (Jessica Harper), setting his sights on mild-mannered schoolteacher, Eileen (Bernadette Peters). He effectively ruins her life, as she becomes pregnant, loses her job, and is eventually forced into prostitution to make ends meet. Pennies from Heaven is an exercise in cynicism that ignores what made those ‘30s musicals special. 

Rating: **. Available on DVD

 

 

Rock ‘n Roll High School

 

(1979) Directed by Alan Arkush; Written by Richard Whitley, Russ Dvonch, and Joseph McBride; Story by Alan Arkush and Joe Dante; Starring: P.J. Soles, Clint Howard, Vincent Van Patten, Mary Woronov, Paul Bartel, Dey Young, The Ramones, and Dick Miller; Available on Blu-ray and DVD 

Rating: ***½

“…Roger [Corman], during preproduction, was the only one who thought it was still “Disco High,” because his script was the only one with that title still on it. Every other script said Rock ‘n’ Roll High School. What rock ‘n’ roller’s gonna read for a movie titled “Disco High” in 1979? Two weeks before shooting we broke it to him that the Ramones were not a disco band but punk rockers. `But why can’t they be disco?’ Roger asked. We said, ‘You can’t blow up a high school to disco music.’” – Alan Arkush (excerpted from Roger Corman’s book, How I Made a Hundred Movies in Hollywood and Never Lost a Dime)

What do you get when you take an ordinary high school comedy, crank up the decibels of the soundtrack, and add generous portions of mayhem? Well, in this case, you get the Roger Corman classic, Rock ‘n Roll High School. Co-writers Alan Arkush (who also directed) and Joe Dante were no strangers to making an “everything goes” style comedy, having collaborated on the 1976 Corman-produced movie, Hollywood Boulevard. Before Rock ‘n’ Roll High School was known by that name, the concept and resulting script went through several iterations over the course of pre-production, from Girls’ Gym, to California Girls, to Disco High. Ultimately, greater wiser heads prevailed (with no offense intended for disco fans), as the focus eventually shifted to rock ‘n’ roll, showcasing the punk band, the Ramones, in what would essentially become their own warped version of A Hard Day’s Night.

The plot is about as simple as they come, but it’s all the music and gags in-between that make this movie worthwhile. Ramones superfan Riff Randell (P.J. Soles),*/**/*** is obsessed with the group beyond all reason (she experiences a fantasy sequence, complete with the band members visiting her at home). In addition to seeing the Ramones in concert, she schemes to bring her song, “Rock ‘n’ Roll High School,” to her favorite band’s attention. Her dreams are thwarted by the new principal, Miss Togar (Mary Woronov), who rules Vincent Lombardi High School with an iron fist (with the help of two toady hall monitors), and considers listening to rock a gateway to deviant behavior. But even when her treasured Ramones tickets are confiscated by Togar and her goons, Riff isn’t so easily deterred. Meanwhile, a love triangle ensues when Riff’s best friend Kate Rambeau (Dey Young) is smitten by dopey but amiable jock Tom Roberts (Vincent Van Patten). Unfortunately, for Kate, he’s gaga over Riff. Will Riff make it to the Ramones concert (and will they perform her song)? Will Togar’s authoritarian tactics prevail? And will Tom and Kate click together? All this and more will be answered before the end credits roll. 

* Fun Fact #1: Prior to filming Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, Soles had never heard of the Ramones. Her initial impression was less than favorable when Arkush gave her a cassette of their music, but their music and energetic performances eventually won her over. 

** Fun Fact #2: Because P.J. Soles was a bit of a hot property after appearing in Halloween (1978), her agent requested a salary above scale (a Corman no-no). Corman opposed paying extra, but ended up agreeing to the salary on the condition that Soles provide her own wardrobe. 

*** Fun Fact #3: Soles wasn’t the film’s only connection to Halloween, with director of photography Dean Cundey providing the cinematography.

The soundtrack in an eclectic yet enjoyable mess, ranging from punk to pop (“Teenage Depression” by Eddie and the Hot Rods, to “Did We Meet Somewhere Before?” a low-key effort from Paul McCartney). Naturally, of course, the main attraction is the seminal punk band the Ramones (Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee, and Marky).* Based on their blazing-fast performance in the film,** it’s easy to see why they were a favorite with audiences wherever they played. 

* Fun Fact #4: If you have Sirius in your car, I highly recommend Marky Ramone’s show “Punk Rock Blitzkrieg” on the First Wave channel (End of shameless, sadly unpaid plug). 

** Fun Fact #5: The Ramones played every song from their on-screen concert set twice, so they could choose the better performance for each.

Joe Dante regular Dick Miller* shows up in a small but memorable role as the chief of police, who tries to bring some law and order to the ensuing pandemonium when the students riot. As usual, he doesn’t have a lot of screen time, but he steals the picture with the film’s best line (Sorry, I’m not going to spill it here. You’ll just have to find out). Clint Howard is amusing in his supporting role as the high school fixer, Eaglebauer, who runs a lucrative business out of the boys’ restroom. Paul Bartel (who frequently appeared with Mary Woronov in numerous films), plays an unlikely ally for the students. As the school’s music teacher, Mr. McGree, he discovers his own latent affinity for the Ramones. 

* Fun Fact #6: Watch for a cameo by Joe Dante, appearing opposite Miller as a fellow cop.

Lessons learned (this is about a high school, after all):

• In the 1970s, the average age of an American high school student was 25.
• In 1979, you could purchase 100 Ramones tickets for only $1,000.
• Your permanent record will follow you outside high school, for the rest of your life.
• Body searches by student workers were common practice in American public schools.
• Rock music causes mice to explode.
• Your favorite band will play your unsolicited song if you’re persistent enough.
• The Ramones didn’t need to hook their guitars up to amps, they were just that powerful.
• Don’t be alarmed if Dee Dee Ramone randomly appears in your shower. If you refrain from making eye contact or any sudden movements, he’ll eventually go away.
• More than just a punk band, the Ramones were a unifying force that united the rich and poor, young and old, and the jocks and nerds (Okay, this one might be true).

 

Reportedly, Johnny Ramone wasn’t pleased with how the band was portrayed in the movie, because he felt it softened their image. In later years, however, his opinion seemed to skew in favor of the film. Alan Arkush and Joe Dante (who made multiple contributions to the movie) keep Rock ‘n’ Roll High School moving at a frenetic pace. Woven throughout are a series of one-off and recurring gags including a hapless freshman (played by co-writer Russ Dvonch) who’s continually stuffed into lockers and other inhospitable places, and a giant mouse* who crashes the concert. Above all else, it’s a nice showcase for the Ramones and their music, for fans and the uninitiated, alike. It may not change your life, but then again, maybe it will. 

* Fun Fact #7: The mutant mouse costume was created and worn by a young Rob Bottin. Bottin also provided the “Pinhead” mask, for the Ramones’ concert sequence, which he continued to do for their subsequent concerts.

 

Sources for this article: Blu-ray commentary by Alan Arkush, PJ Soles, and Clint Howard; “How I Made a Hundred Movies in Hollywood and Never Lost a Dime,” by Roger Corman (with Jim Jerome)

The Rutles: All You Need is Cash

 

(1978) Directed by Eric Idle and Gary Weis; Written by Eric Idle; Starring: Eric Idle, Neil Innes, John Halsey, Ricky Fataar, Michael Palin, George Harrison, and Mick Jagger; Available on DVD 

Rating: ****½

Side Note: The “cinematic” in Cinematic Catharsis implies that the films I discuss are predominately theatrical releases. With that in mind, I hope you’ll indulge me with this made-for-TV movie (Hey folks, rules are meant to be broken).

“Paul's never been one who enjoys criticism – which is to his detriment. I think it was a mistake, because I think it's important to get criticism. I saw Ringo again the other night, and he's the most balanced of all of them. He came out of it the most sane, because he had to have therapy to overcome alcoholism, so he has some perspective on it, and an appreciation of it – rather than just trying to run and hide from it all, all the time. It was so big... it's ridiculous. I think it's a difficult thing to overcome. Linda loved it. She loved it.” – Eric Idle (excerpted from 2012 interview) 

“The Beatles were never going to get back together, but The Rutles allowed the American public to pretend and to play a kid’s game, with air guitars or cricket bats as guitars. It was getting so silly with these Beatles reunion offers that someone needed to do something sillier.” – Neil Innes (from 2014 interview, featured in 2023 Classic Rock article)

It’s impossible to accurately gauge the lasting impact four lads from Liverpool made on the global pop music scene in the ‘60s. No, really, it’s impossible, since the music group in question never existed. Years before Spinal Tap was a gleam in Rob Reiner’s eye, Monty Python alumnus Eric Idle introduced us to the rise and fall of another fictional British band, The Rutles. The Rutles started out as a comic bit by Innes for British television in 1975, followed by a 1976 comedy sketch on Saturday Night Live. The SNL skit garnered much attention, playing a big part in Idle’s securing the funding to create a feature-length film with NBC. With a little help from his friends at SNL (watch for cameos of famous cast members peppered throughout) writer/director/star Idle teamed with co-director Gary Weiss and co-star/musician Neil Innes to tell the story of the alternate-universe Beatles.

The Rutles: All You Need is Cash introduces us to the “Prefab Four,” Dirk McQuickly (Eric Idle), Ron Nasty (Neil Innes), Stig O’Hara (Ricky Fataar), and Barry Wom (John Halsey). The mockumentary traces The Rutles from their humble beginnings, playing in a Liverpool club The Cavern (not to be confused with the Cavern Club), their rise to international superstardom with their “appearance” on the Ed Sullivan Show (using doctored footage from the real show). Idle leaves no stone unturned, chronicling the rise and fall of the Rutles, with their ups and downs, culminating in their final rooftop performance (performing “Get Up and Go” instead of “Get Back”). We learn about the group’s successes and scandals through a clever combination of “archival footage” (shot on 16 mm film and videotape) and interviews with fellow musicians who knew them best, such as Rolling Stones frontman, Mick Jagger.* Jagger’s deadpan delivery sells the musical tall tale (his then wife, Bianca, also appears playing Nasty’s less-than-enthused wife Martini). In addition to his other duties behind and in front of the camera, Idol** appears as the somewhat dim BBC-style narrator, as well as a drug-addled pseudo-intellectual musical “expert,” S.J. Krammerhead. 

* Fun Fact #1: In his DVD commentary, Idle mused how Jagger was surprisingly forthcoming about his thoughts on the Beatles, covertly viewed through the lens of his candid comments about the Rutles. 

** Fun Fact #2: Although he appears as bandmate Dirk McQuickly, Idle didn’t play guitar or sing. The music and vocals were performed by Innes, Ricky Fataar, John Halsey, and Ollie Halsall.  

A good parody requires a combination of knowledge and genuine affection for the source material. The heart and soul of The Rutles are the brilliant songs, penned by Neil Innes (formerly of the ‘60s band The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band and intermittent collaborator with the Monty Python troupe). More than simply mimicking the style of the Beatles’ songs, Innes intuitively knew what made their music tick, and why it was so catchy. Rather than systematically dissecting the Beatles’ diverse body of work, Innes’ musical creations sprung from his memories of their songs. The results are much more than mere parodies, but fully formed renditions that honor the source material (so much that you might be convinced Innes uncovered a secret stash of lost Beatles recordings). The influences of the original Beatles’ compositions are woven throughout. Don’t be too surprised if you find several of the tunes embedded in your cranium (particularly “I Must Be in Love,” “Ouch,” “Doubleback Alley,” and “Cheese and Onions”).

 

What did the Beatles members think of this back-handed homage? George Harrison,* who was onboard with the project almost from its inception, makes an appearance as a reporter, commenting on their failed business venture, Rutle Corps (a reference to the Beatles’ similarly doomed Apple Corps). The parody was a tougher sell for Paul McCartney, who was less than thrilled with Idle’s depiction of his quirky mannerisms, but he reluctantly acquiesced to the film being made (probably because of his wife Linda’s enjoyment of it). One of the film’s more pointed barbs depicted Ron Nasty (Innes) with his girlfriend Chastity (Gwen Taylor) in a Nazi SS uniform (surprisingly, John and Yoko loved the parody). Always the diplomat, Ringo Starr seemed to take a relaxed view of the movie (if he objected, he never led on to Idle). 

* Fun Fact #3: Idle recalled that when they were filming with Harrison, some people pushed him aside to ask if Idle and Innes were “real” Beatles.

The Rutles features so many wonderful gags that it would be a crime to describe them all. Some highlights, however, include a short animated sequence for “Yellow Submarine Sandwich”, * a parody of a Yoko Ono experimental film (substituting feet for posteriors), ** and a “man on the street” interview with the late, great Gilda Radner. After being badgered by Idle’s narrator, she suddenly blurts out a concise, pointed summary of the band and their legacy. 

* Fun Fact #4: According to Idle, he hired the same people who animated the original Yellow Submarine for the scene. 

** Fun Fact #5: If the voice singing the “You Need Feet” song sounds familiar, it’s none other than Bernard Bresslaw.

Despite the excellent songs and pedigree of actors/musicians involved, The Rutles failed to make a big splash on American TV. Aired in 1978 during prime time by NBC, it sadly didn’t stand a chance, being programmed against rival network ABC’s juggernaut, Charlie’s Angels. It’s also unfortunate to learn that Idle and Innes had a falling out later, but (to borrow a cliché) they certainly made beautiful music together when it came to this film. Within its scant 76-minute running time, the film manages to pull the wool over the audience’s eyes about the Rutles existence. Perhaps in some alternate universe, it’s the Rutles who rose to fame, while no had ever heard of the Beatles. Your enjoyment of The Rutles: All You Need is Cash will likely be proportional to how much you know the Beatles’ history and enjoy their body of work (and if you don’t like the Beatles, sorry, I can’t help you). Mocumentaries don’t get any better than this one.   

 

Sources for this article: DVD commentary by Eric Idle; “An Interview with Eric Idle,” by Ken P., IGN (2012); “The Rutles: The Strange and Surreal Story of the Original Spinal Tap,” by Mark Blake, Classic Rock (April 18, 2023) 

Prehistory Month Quick Picks and Pans

 

Iceman (1984) An arctic surveying team finds the discovery of the century, a perfectly preserved Neanderthal (John Lone) in an ice cave. Back at the base, a group of doctors somehow manage to revive the frozen caveman. Now the big question becomes what to do with him. Dr. Stanley Shephard (Timothy Hutton) seems to be the only member of the research team with an unwavering moral compass, befriending the caveman, whom he calls Charlie. Separated by his family and comrades by tens of thousands of years, Charlie is a man out of time and without a home. The researchers jump at the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to learn about his physiology, but at the cost of his freedom. Charlie becomes the team’s lab rat, contained in the base’s vivarium like a zoo animal. Outside of Shephard and Charlie, most of the characters seem underdeveloped, with little to distinguish one from another. The central dilemma, and thoughtful depiction of Charlie, however, make this worth watching. 

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray and DVD

 

Dinosaurus! (1960) Producer Jack H. Harris’s (The Blob, The 4D Man) adventure film is aimed at kids and the kid at heart in all of us. While using dynamite to make room for a new harbor, a construction crew inadvertently dislodges a trio of prehistoric relics: a tyrannosaurus rex, brontosaurus, and a caveman. They’re in for a big surprise when they soon learn that none of them are as dead as presumed. The dinosaurs create havoc for the crew, while the Neanderthal (Gregg Martell, in a fun little semi-comic performance) tries to make sense of the modern world. Forget about scientific accuracy or plausibility. Dinosaurus! is best enjoyed with your favorite junk food and your brain switched to neutral. 

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray and DVD

 

Caveman (1981) Ringo Starr appears as Atouk, a meek caveman who’s unlucky in life and love. He lusts after Lana (played by Starr’s real-life-wife, Barbara Bach), the voluptuous object of his desire, but one thing that stands in the way – her hulking boyfriend Tonda (John Matuszak). Cast out of his tribe by Tonda, Atouk befriends a group of outcasts, including Lar (Dennis Quaid), Tala (Shelley Long) and her blind father Gog (Jack Gilford). The real attraction in this amiable comedy are the cool stop-motion effects by an uncredited Paul Gentry and Hal Miles, featuring cartoonishly goofy but surprisingly lifelike dinosaurs. 

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Tubi

 

Clan of the Cave Bear (1986) Think a dumbed down version of Quest for Fire, and you won’t be too far off the mark. Director Michael Chapman’s adaptation of Jean M. Auel’s best-selling novel aspires to be an epic tale, but falls short. When Ayla, a young Cro-Magnon girl, loses her mother and is separated from her people, a roving tribe of Neanderthals take pity on her, reluctantly accepting her into their group. The now grown Ayla (Daryl Hannah) grows up an outcast because of her “unattractive” appearance (not unlike Marilyn on The Munsters), but learns the ways of medicine from her accepting foster parents. The iffy Neanderthal makeup with bad wigs is easy to excuse, but where Quest for Fire required its audience to connect the dots, The Clan of the Cave Bear shows contempt for the viewer, with unnecessary narration describing what we’re already seeing, as well as subtitles for the various grunts and shouts. Some nice cinematography from Jan de Bont and a decent score from Alan Silvestri can’t save this film from its own mediocrity. 

Rating: **½. Available on DVD

 

When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970) A better title might have been, When Peroxide Ruled the Earth. According to this movie, being a blonde woman in prehistoric times was a death sentence. Fair-haired Sanna (Victoria Vetri) escapes ritual sacrifice to make a life of her own, befriending a fearsome dinosaur and finding the love of her life along the way. The stop-motion effects aren’t quite up to Harryhausen’s standards, but they’re passable enough (at some point, the Hammer production must have run out of time and money, as one scene resorts to the old lizards with wobbly headpieces trick). There isn’t much in the movie that hasn’t been done better in similar flicks (including One Million Years B.C.), but there are worse ways to spend an afternoon. 

Rating: **½. Available on Blu-ray and DVD

Creatures the World Forgot (1971) It wouldn’t be hard for the world to forget this tedious movie. 90 minutes of bad wigs and grunting does not make a compelling story. You have to give the film some credit for not depicting early humans walking with dinosaurs, but what’s left onscreen is so deathly dull. If you can stay awake long enough, there are some unintentional laughs when a caveman is mauled by a guy in a bad bear (or is it supposed to be a giant sloth?) suit, but there’s no other reason to recommend this lesser Hammer film. 

Rating: **. Available on DVD 

 

Prehistoric Women (1950) Okay, this one is just plain awful. A tribe of clean-shaven cavemen with terrible wigs lord over cavewomen who appear to be fresh from the beauty salon. Tired of being abused and subservient to the men, several of the women rebel, setting off to form their own tribe. They take a few of the males as captives, and nature takes its course. The worst part of Prehistoric Women is the incessant, inane narration, basically describing everything you’re seeing as it occurs onscreen. Add the film’s casual attitude toward animal cruelty, and there’s no reason to waste 90 minutes of your life with this stink bomb.   

Rating: *½. Available on DVD and Tubi

Quest for Fire

 

(1981) Directed by Jean-Jacques Annaud; Written by Gérard Brach; Based on the novel by J.H. Rosny Sr.; Starring: Everett McGill, Rae Dawn Chong, Ron Perlman, Nicholas Kadi, and Naseer El-Kadi; Available on Blu-ray and DVD 

Rating: ****½

 

“I thought I was making this crap caveman movie. I found out that this guy (Jean-Jacques Annaud) had won an Academy Award for ‘Black and White in Color,’ and he was a distinguished filmmaker. By the time I got nervous, I already had the role, so I didn’t trip myself up.” – Ron Perlman, on auditioning for Quest for Fire (Excerpted from 2017 Variety interview)

It’s no big surprise that most film depictions of early humankind are somewhat lacking in veracity. Whether due to lack of budget, research, or by design, most caveman movies end up looking silly, bordering on self-parody, or straight-out comedies. By default, filmmakers and production companies preferred a more fanciful recreation of primitive people, grunting gibberish, wearing very little, and more often than not, walking amongst dinosaurs (even though the mighty beasts died out many millions of years before our earliest ancestors were on the scene).* Few filmmakers bothered with a “serious” depiction about our early ancestors. One notable exception was Stanley Kubrick’s “Dawn of Man” segment of 2001: A Space Odyssey, which served as a point of reference for French director Jean-Jacques Annaud. Far from the norm, Quest for Fire would reflect the combined efforts of anthropologists, linguists, and many other talented researchers and artists to create a more authentic experience. After three-and-a-half years of development, and an exhaustive search for locations around the world,  filming** commenced in Glencoe, Scotland, Nairobi, Kenya, and Northern Ontario, Canada.*** Budgeted at $12 million, Annaud’s film faced numerous hurdles to overcome, not the least of which were strict Canadian regulations, requiring a certain percentage of Canadian actors, makeup artists and editors. 

* Fun Fact #1: According to Annaud, he purposely wanted to avoid making something like Hammer’s One Million Years B.C. (1966) or Prehistoric Women (1967). 

** Fun Fact #2: In his DVD commentary, Annaud noted that everything was shot live, without post-production trickery. There were very few second takes. 

*** Fun Fact #3: Original plans were to film in Iceland, with its primordial landscape, but shooting was called off due to delays from an ongoing actors’ strike and bad weather.

Set 80,000 years in the past, when early humans were just gaining a foothold at the top of the food chain, they endured multiple threats from creatures and hostile tribes, in defense of the one rare commodity that determined who would survive – the possession of fire. When a Neanderthal tribe (the Ulam people) is ambushed by a savage clan of pre-humans (the Wagabou tribe), they set out to make a new home, carrying their precious fire in a crude lantern fashioned from animal skin and bones. In their haste to relocate, their fire is accidentally extinguished. Three are chosen to bring it back to the tribe: Naoh (Everett McGill), Amoukar (Ron Perlman), and Gaw (Nameer El-Kadi).* As our intrepid protagonists set out on their adventure, dangers lurk around every corner, including a pair of hungry sabretooth cats,** who chase our intrepid protagonists up a tree, a stately herd of wooly mammoths,***/**** and a hostile tribe of cannibals (the Kzamm). But all isn’t misery and strife, when they find a new friend with Ika (Rae Dawn Chong)***** a representative from the Ivaka tribe. Over the course of their travels, they will learn to cooperate with each other, and not only gather fire, but learn to create it.******  

* Fun Fact #4: Nameer El-Kadi had a twin brother, Naseer, who played a fellow member of the Ulam tribe in early scenes. Naseer also stood in for Nameer when his brother was unavailable to shoot a scene involving the tribe’s run-in with a bear. 

** Fun Fact #5: Ligers (half-lion/half-tiger), equipped with prosthetic teeth, were utilized for the “sabretooth” cats. 

*** Fun Fact #6: In a scene when the trio of Neanderthals encounter a herd of wooly mammoths, the filmmakers employed children made up to resemble the leads, so the creatures would appear more massive. 

**** Fun Fact #7: The “mammoths” were 14 circus elephants fitted with masks, specially created hairpieces made from knotted yak hair, and enlarged prosthetic tusks. 

***** Fun Fact #8: According to Annaud, Chong wasn’t an actor when he discovered her on the beach in California, but he persuaded her to act in his movie. 

****** Fun Fact #9: For a pivotal scene in which an Ivaka tribesman creates fire…the filmmakers hired a Masai tribesman

While McGill, Perlman, and El-Kadi do an extraordinary job as the three Neanderthal leads, Rae Dawn Chong deserves special mention for one of the film’s most challenging roles as Ika, a Homo Sapiens woman, who spends a large portion of the film clad in nothing but body paint (actually layers of clay and charcoal, inspired by modern tribes). Much to the delight and dismay of her somewhat dim Neanderthal counterparts, she schools them in the ways of making fire, humor (reacting to a rock falling on Amoukar’s head with laughter), and instructing Naoh in the art of lovemaking. The sex and nudity depicted in the movie are presented in a matter-of-fact manner, not intended to be titillating or exploitive, but reminiscent of an anthropological study.

Quest for Fire invites us to immerse ourselves in the prehistoric world, starting with Annuad’s insistence on no subtitles (despite the urging of a short-sighted film executive). Instead, the filmmakers trust us to infer what’s happening onscreen through the characters’ facial expressions, gesticulations and body language. One of the film’s conceits is that not a single word of modern language is spoken. Instead, author/linguist Anthony Burgess (A Clockwork Orange), devised a language*/** for the Neanderthals, based on Indo-European roots. British zoologist Desmond Morris arranged sessions for the cast to mimic apelike behaviors, and Canadian mime Gary Schwartz (who appears as Rouka, from the Ulam tribe), instructed the actors on movement. Great care also went into the makeup,* to ensure the characters appropriately resembled their parts.   

* Fun Fact #10: The language used by the Ulam tribe included 350 distinct words. 

** Fun Fact #11: Because Burgess was only available for a relatively short time, there was no time to devise a completely different language for Ika’s tribe. Instead, the filmmakers recorded native Inuit speakers for their dialogue. 

*** Fun Fact #12: The elaborate Academy-award-winning makeup (by Sarah Monzani and Michèle Burke) for the principal characters, comprised of five separate pieces, took five hours to apply and two hours to remove. The wigs were designed in three pieces instead of one piece (as in most other caveman films), to make the characters’ hair look more authentic. 

45 years after its release, Quest for Fire remains the gold standard of caveman movies – the touchstone that all other films like it are compared against. While no one alive has ever heard a Neanderthal speak or watched sabretooth cats relentlessly pursue their prey, Quest for Fire’s compelling images are probably the closest thing to a documentarian traveling 80,000 years into the past to observe our ancestors.  

 

Sources for this article: DVD commentary by Jean-Jacques Annaud; “Quest for Fire – Pretty Department, Dirty Work,” by Suzanna Plowright (Cinema Canada, September 1981); “Final Cut: My First Time in Variety – Ron Perlman” (Variety, Sept. 20, 2017); “Canadian Regulations Under Fire As ‘Quest’ Shoot Continues,” by Gloria Kissin (The Hollywood Reporter, May 5, 1981)