December Quick Picks and Pans

 

The Mysterious Castle in the Carpathians (1981) This imaginative, quirky fantasy/ comedy by director/writer Oldrich Lipský (based on a novel by Jules Verne) recalls the work of fellow Czech filmmaker Karel Zeman (with a heaping helping of Terry Gilliam). The opera-singing Count Teleke (Michal Docolomanský) embarks on a quest to find his lost love, Salsa Verde (Evelyna Steimarová), who was abducted by the shadowy Baron Gorc z Gorcu (Milos Kopecký). Teleke’s journey leads him to the Baron’s castle, filled with a host of fanciful inventions (brought to life by animator/prop-maker Jan Svankmajer) by the mad scientist Orfanik (Rudolf Hrusínský). If you’ve had your fill of Hollywood’s cookie-cutter approach to fantasy films, this movie might be just what the doctor ordered. 

Rating: ***½. Available on Blu-ray, Tubi and Kanopy

 

Invisible Ghost (1942) Bela Lugosi stars as respected citizen Charles Kessler in this Poverty Row production. Despite the promising title, the film harkens back to the whodunits of the silent era, bereft of any supernatural occurrences. Set entirely in Kessler’s house, where a series of murders have occurred (Guess who’s responsible?). If you’re looking for a taut, suspenseful psychological thriller about a man with a tormented mind, you might want to look elsewhere, but it's an entertaining enough potboiler if you don’t dig too deep (Spoiler: The butler didn’t do it). 

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Prime Video

 

The Guyver (1991) What if a makeup effects team directed a movie? It might look something like The Guyver (based on the manga by Yoshiki Takaya). Directed by Screaming Mad George and Steve Wang, it’s essentially a movie built around their freaky/fun creations (although a jive-talking monster voiced by Jimmie ‘JJ’ Walker is a bit much). Sean Barker (Jack Armstrong) is an aspiring karate master with impulse control issues (and the personality of a turnip). He unwittingly becomes fused with an ancient alien biomechanical device, transforming him into a powerful cyborg. He’s caught in a tug-o-war between CIA investigator Max Reed (Mark Hamill) and power-hungry CEO Fulton Balcus David Gale (along with his mutant sidekicks). If you’re in the right mood for some good practical effects and not much else, it’s diverting enough. 

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Tubi

The Undertaker and His Pals (1966) This would-be horror/comedy from director/writer T.L.P. Swicegood (who was obviously taking notes from H.G. Lewis’ Blood Feast) wears out its welcome in a hurry. The owners of a ramshackle diner (that appears to only have one menu item at any given time) are in cahoots with a shady mortician. Their establishments mutually benefit from a fresh supply of bodies, although it hardly seems to be a sustainable business model. The acting is lackluster at best, the effects are sketchy, and worst of all, the film thinks it’s funnier than it is (including sad trombone sounds for extra “hilarity”). Life is short…there are better choices on Tubi. 

Rating: **. Available on DVD and Tubi

 

Psyched by the 4D Witch (1973) Mercifully, this is the only film from writer/director Victor Luminera. Cindy (Margo), a naïve young college student, becomes possessed by the evil spirit of a 17^th-century witch (Esoterica), who takes her on a string of sexual escapades, one more depraved than the other. The washed out, scratchy print on Tubi suits the seedy subject matter, and the theme song plays over and over throughout the film, in case you forgot what the movie was about (spoiler: You’ll wish you did). Lacking any dialogue, the flick is narrated by Cindy and others who succumb to the witch’s control. In the many hallucinatory sequences, “demons,” represented by dollar-store masks and cheap rubber toys, prance about (you don’t need to be a scholar of Sigmund Freud to know what the toy serpent represents). The whole thing looks like it was shot and edited by kindergartners, but if you’re curious, any random five-minute sequence will probably tell you everything you need to know. 

Rating: *½. Available on DVD and Tubi