“Attack of the…” Month Quick Picks and Pans

 

Attack the Gas Station (1999) A group of aimless Korean youths hold up a gas station for kicks, taking the employees hostage. They get more than they bargained for, however, when they inadvertently escalate a gang war. Attack the Gas Station approaches its subject with sly humor and unexpected depth, delving into the histories of the disenchanted anti-heroes. Fasten your seatbelts, and get ready for some anarchic fun. 

Rating: ***½. Available on DVD 

Attack of the Beast Creatures (1985) What do you do when you set out to make your own monster movie, but the estimate to have the monsters fabricated costs far more than the entire budget? You make your own. The results are (ahem)… well, they tried. The survivors of a doomed ocean liner in the North Atlantic, circa May 1920, end up on a seemingly uninhabited island. They soon discover deadly acid pools and a bunch of vicious little red humanoid creatures with glowing eyes and sharp teeth. Soon, they have to fight their way through a hostile forest to get back to the lifeboat. Director Michael Stanley’s no-budget made-in-Connecticut wonder is nothing, if not ambitious. It’s not good, but never fails to entertain, with bad acting, laughable effects, and unintentional humor. 

Rating: ***. Available on Blu-ray 

Gyo: Tokyo Fish Attack (2012) Takayuki Hirao’s anime adaptation of Junji Ito’s bleak manga Gyo cuts many corners, blending cell art with less effective computer-generated animation. While it’s not the best Ito adaptation, it’s far from the worst. A young woman on vacation with her friends, falls into a nightmare situation when they’re overrun by foul-smelling sea creatures with mechanical legs. She returns to an apocalyptic version of Tokyo on a quest to find her boyfriend. Gyo tries to be more “adult” with excessive fan service, which detracts from the plot. Nevertheless, the horror of Ito’s original story shines through, as humanity, paying for the sins of the fathers, is brought to the brink of extinction. 

Rating: ***. Available on DVD 

Attack of the Robots (1966) This somewhat deceptively titled spy spoof from director Jesús Franco is surprisingly competent, if a bit generic. Eddie Constantine (Alphaville) stars as retired Interpol agent Al Pereira, who’s enlisted to foil a plot to turn people into zombie assassins (controlled by a pair of special horn-rimmed glasses). Sophie Hardy provides some sizzle as Pereira’s Interpol counterpart, Cynthia Lewis, but there’s little chemistry between the two leads. There’s also some uncomfortable “Chinese” stereotypes portrayed by Spanish actor Vicente Roca as counter-spy, Lee-Wee. Look for Franco in a cameo as a nightclub pianist.   

Rating: **½. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Tubi 

Attack of the Giant Teacher (2019) Kenzo Miyazawa (Makoto Kojima) is a night school teacher at a career crossroads, lacking energy or enthusiasm for his job. When he learns that the school is being closed down at the end of the year, he encourages his confused students to plan one final event: an Edo-period musical. Oh, and there just happens to be an insatiably hungry alien who wants to put Earth’s residents on its dinner plate. Attack of the Giant Teacher features some surprisingly colorful characters. Unfortunately, its reach far exceeds its grasp, with dreadful CGI effects and the giant teacher vs. kaiju action implied by the title doesn’t occur until the final five minutes. It probably would have been better to scrap the tokusatsu plot in favor of focusing on the dynamic of teacher and students alone, but the film has its moments. 

Rating: **½. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Tubi

Ski Troop Attack (1960) Filmed in South Dakota with most of the same cast and crew as Beast from Haunted Cave (1959), Roger Corman’s cut-rate World War II “epic” runs just over an hour (including a heap of stock footage). A small ragtag bunch of American soldiers led by the gung-ho Lt. Factor (Michael Forest) attempt to destroy a bridge, deep inside enemy territory. It’s pretty standard stuff, down to the soldier who can’t wait to get back home (Guess what happens to him?). For Corman completists only. 

Rating: **. Available on Blu-ray, DVD and Tubi

 

Attack of the Killer Refrigerator (1990) Shot on VHS for what looks like $50 (folks, this isn’t the movie to showcase your 4K TV), this horror spoof takes place during the course of one evening in a suburban house. After partying young people scrape the ice out of a refrigerator, the (wounded?) kitchen appliance is out for revenge, picking off the residents and guests one by one – and that’s about it. The short film only runs 16 minutes, so you don’t have much time to be bored. 

Rating: *½. Available on Blu-ray